Friendship and Familiarity

I have had the privilage of spending some quality time in other countries where I have grown to admire the strengths of other cultures as well as get a better understanding of my own. In getting off the plane from being in another country where resources like food and clothing are much less than in my own country, I can't help but be in shock as I look around. But it's not just the physical resources that are different. There is much more that one can learn from being in another culture. I love my country. I am blessed to be living here and I don't take it for granted...especially when I have spent time in other places around the world. But, I have to admit that there are certain aspects I have seen in other cultures that leave me wishing I lived in a culture that had those qualities.

The one thing I want to focus on is friendship. Although we all know the definition, I sometimes still look in the dictionary for words I know because...well....I just do! Websters says the word "friend" is defined as "one attached to another by affection." Webster defines "affection" as a "tender attachment." I like this definition because it speaks of a heart to heart connection that is tender.



It is not shallow, but one in which the very heart of one person has become "attached" to another in tender friendship. When this occurs, one experiences the delights of true friendship that all of our hearts crave. Our hearts are meant to experience this kind of relationship and friendship. I think at times in our culture we would define friendship as "the person I see at work or the person I talk to once or twice on the phone for a few minutes each week." In other words, friendship has taken on the definition of acquaintences in many aspects. Are we able to point out anyone in whom we have a "tender and affectionate attachment" that Webster's defines as friend? You probably won't have too many in a life time. If you have one, you are blessed. I'm finding most people do not have any.

In speaking of familiarity in friendship, I think it is necessary that one doesn't get too familiar with the person they call their "friend." You might be wondering, "How then is one to enter into the intimacy of true friendship without being familiar?" I am speaking of familiarity in a negative sense. I'll turn again to Webster to give us insight into this word familiarity. It is defined as "one who is well acquainted." Although we may know someone very well, we can never know the depths of someone's heart fully. We aren't even capable of knowing our own hearts fully. Therefore, we must guard against familiarity which can lead to controlling behaviors. Many people live among "friends," yet their friends don't have a clue what is really going on on the inside of them. That person may not feel free to share because of the fear of being too familiar in the community that surrounds them. It is true that a friend is one who has a tender attachment with another, but it is impossible for one to truly know another fully.



I personally love someone that I can open my heart up to. To have that friend who listens, who is safe, and yet does not become too familiar with me that I can't share the secrets of my heart. There is nothing like pouring out your heart in vulnerability and feeling safe doing it. Just like there is nothing more painful than pouring out your heart and thinking you are safe only to realize it was anything but safe. I not only long for the kind of friendship I am writing about, but I long to be that kind of friend to someone else. It is a gift from God...and it comes from Him. For He is safe, He listens, and He longs for our hearts in friendship as well. A scripture in John says that Jesus no longer calls us "servants" but "friends" -- someone who He has a tender and affectionate heart attachment with. A servant is someone who is in the relationship merely for business. It's a "yes sir, no sir" kind of thing. A friend is in the relationship just because they like you! No pressure involved...just pure pleasure! Servants and masters don't sit down for coffee and definately do not have a heart to heart connection. I believe more than ever before there is an invitation for us to get out of the servant mentality with God and enter into friendship with Him. Not only can we share the secrets of our hearts with Him -- He will share His secrets with us. But He will only share them with friends...those who don't have selfish ambition in coming to Him or those who use Him for what they can get from Him. He wants to share His heart among friends. In a sense, He wants to sit down and have coffee with us! Not because He wants something from us - He just likes us! Pure pleasure!!!