Wise in His Eyes

Some say life gets easier when you get older. I agree that one usually gets wiser with age, but I think there are other aspects to getting older that aren't as great. Not that I'm old (go ahead, agree with me that I'm not old), but I am experiencing the last 8 months of my life in my 20's! I used to wonder what I would be doing right now. No more wondering!

In coming upon my 30th year of life, there is an urgency on the inside of me. The feeling is that I have maybe 30 or 40 years left. If I live the average amount of years of a human, I have possibly lived half of my life on the earth up to this point. I have one chance, one lifetime, one 70ish year span full of choices and decisions that will affect me personally forever. I hope this urgency that I feel today will still be on the inside of me when I'm experiencing the last 8 months of my 30s, the last 8 months in my 40s, the last eight months in my 50s, and so on. It is not an urgency of striving in my own ability to please God (I've had to learn this the hard way...I am the Queen of striving in my own strength), it is an urgency of desiring to please Him in EVERYTHING that I do - big or small. It is an urgency to live a life under the Lord's definition of wisdom. That I would lay aside the culture of my day and I would begin to live out the things that are important to His heart no matter the cost of my reputation or loss.

There is a hope in knowing that these 70 or so years are not the end-- that I am not just waisting my life in wondering hopelessly. There is indeed a great hope knowing it's just the beginning and that my choices in life right now are more important than I realize. One without the urgency and hope of something better than this is left with life's disappointments and wieghed down with the hopelessness of what this life alone has to offer. There will be a time when all the wrong things will be made right and when justice will shine like the sun. There is a time when we won't even know the feeling of depression, loneliness, fear, or worry. Our hearts weren't made to carry such things, but there will be a time when the wrong things will be made right and we will know Him who carried our sorrows and sufferings. In that moment every tear will be wiped away, every bad memory will disappear, every sorrow will leave in the presence of the one who carried our hurts. In one moment His love will heal us.

So, in the light of that, I want to live a life that is wise before the Lord. Though it may be uncomfortable now, I know He is wanting to teach us to live for what is coming - not for our temporary wants and comforts. Help us, Lord. Give us an eternal perspective that will carry us through the coming years with hearts that are not offended. May we live with the truth that every day is important to Him - every moment counts before the Lord.

No Record of Wrongs

"Making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice..." Speaking of lists, Jesus doesn't make one. Sounds kind of silly, but in all seriousness, the thought became a reality to me this morning as I sat by my 9' sparkling Christmas tree. I almost typed "beautiful sparkling Christmas tree," but the angel on the top is crooked. I refuse to get the ladder out of the garage again. It's not going to happen. I suppose a crooked angel can still be beautiful. That's a lesson in and of itself. :) Let me rephrase my sentence, "the thought became a reality as I sat by my 9' beautiful, sparkling Christmas tree this morning." I'm glad Santa is not the Savior. I would be in such trouble with his list!

While reading about the definition of love in Corinthians, the phrase that stuck out to me most was, "love keeps no record of wrongs." It is both amazing and refreshing that Jesus is different than the rest of us who struggle with not keeping a list of wrongs about one another and/or ourselves. Jesus is a serious refreshment to my soul. I'm talking about the real, intimate friend, Jesus who loves so differently, sees me so uniquely, speaks about me tenderly, defines me so differently, loves so unconditionally, thinks about me constantly, and is nothing but encouraging. If only my heart remembered all of those things. Unfortunately I have a tendency to forget reality when other things creap in and steal the truth that was once ruling on the inside of me. This year, I want to take my list I make so often of my wrongs, throw the darn thing in the fireplace, and watch it burn. Oh that our hearts would truly be rooted and grounded in His love - that what others think or feel about us would not matter and that we would walk as Ones who are confident in the fact that we are immensely and passionately cared for, believed in, and seen.

It is a fact. Jesus doesn't make a list. He doesn't check it twice. I want to be like Him. Open our hearts Lord to hear your voice, to taste of your goodness, to believe in the truth of how you feel, to grasp your tender affection towards us, and to carry it to another. He gives hope to the hopeless. He is my hope.

Chocolate

Chocolate does the trick everytime. This is especially true at 1:15 when the kids are at P.E. and Music and I am free for the next 45 minutes. I usually have to work, but the other day I couldn't help but leaving school with Lisa and coming back with handfuls of goodies. It was the best day in Kindergarten yet! :)

Mistakes

There is nothing like the feeling of knowing you have peace with God. To know His heart and how He feels about us shatters every fear that hides in the shadows of our hearts. I don't know about you, but fear seems to be something that I struggle with often. I was listening to someone speak on fear the other day. He was saying that for a long time His motive in loving Jesus was one of fear. He thought if He could show God how devoted He was and that his devotion was one that was unique among anyone else, that He would somehow accept Him. It was basically a fear that He would not be pleasing to God. Therefore, He was trying to measure up by being extra devoted to the things that are important to God. I've been there before and it is the most tiring thing anyone can ever try to do. Other people take it the complete opposite direction. Because of their fear of not measuring up, they give up and quit trying all together. I mean, they are never going to be perfect enough, so why keep trying.

The good thing is that we don't have to try and measure up. The good news is that we can stop striving and start accepting His love for us right now where we are at in our weakness, quirkiness, and screw-ups. The biggest lessons I have learned in life are from my mistakes. He likes to take our mistakes, and instead of getting in our faces and condemning us, He will take them and make them into something beautiful that we can look back on and see His love even in the midst of it. Is that not all of our stories anyways? Let's face it, we are all disfunctional to some extent. God LOVES disfunctional people like you and I. He not only loves us, He wants us. He is patient with us, gentle with us, and looks past our weakness more than we realize. His words flow from a tender heart that sees the best in us, not the worst, which is what we tend to focus on.

I love this scripture: "Give thanks to the Father who has qualified you..." Colossians 1:12. If you are someone who has made a lot of mistakes in your life, you are qualified. That is the very thing that qualifies you to be loved by God. Mistakes are the very thing that gives us the opportunity to experience Jesus' compassion and love. Mistakes are mistakes, but they can be the best thing that ever happen to us if we let God in to those places of shame, fear, and guilt. It feels good to have peace with God, to know that because of Him we are qualified. Be encouraged. You are very important to Him.

Clown Picture

Here it is!

Only one boy wouldn't walk into the room when he saw me. His excuse was, "My teacher is not here today!" Other than that, it was well worth the effort to see my kids loving the clown outfit!

I Survived

I survived Halloween at school. Pictures coming soon! And stories!

Encounter with a Banana Peel

This is very random, but I was telling a friend this the other day and I think it's blog worthy. You'll get a good laugh out of it anyways.

I was having my normal ice cream craving, so I decided to drive to Rusty's Frozen Custard to get a chocolate custard with chunks of Reese's cup and peanut butter swirled in it (oh my, it's good). I got out of my car and began to walk on the sidewalk. Before I knew it, I had fallen right on my behind! I looked to figure out how I had fallen. My eyes beheld a banana peel. Now is that classic, or what? It doesn't only happen in the cartoons!

Refreshed

I just went for the most wonderful walk around this lake across the street from my housing development:



Besides dodging duck poop and blocking out the loud hammering from the workers on a roof (of whom were spanish speaking and I was trying to understand them and was failing), I am feeling much more refreshed after a very long week! But isn't that what life is all about - dodging things that could make a mess, blocking out things that would be distracting, stop trying to understand everything, and all along trying to remain quiet and restful in the Lord on the inside! Easier said than done sometimes. Just goes to show you that we can learn a lesson from anything!

Anyways, I feel much better now. A Dr. couldn't have perscribed anything better! It was definately medicine for my soul!

Fuji Apples

Snack time in Kindergarten is very very important. We might skip Math one day and the kids won't mind. We might skip writing and they wouldn't really complain. We better not EVER EVER skip snack. I would be in big trouble!
Several things happen every day during snack. We have a good routine going for us. The kids sit on the carpet. One child gives Germ-X out while I get the snacks ready. One thing I hear on a daily basis is, "What? You brought ANOTHER fuji apple for snack, Ms. Isaacs?" This statement has been being said by my kids since the beginning of September. You would think that maybe they would realize that yes...I have brought an apple (not just any apple, it must be fuji) and yes...I will always bring an apple and yes...that's old news. But no! It's MAJOR news every single day!! It's quite funny as I ask them, "Hey - can you guess what I brought for snack today?" I open up my mini fridge as they all yell out, "A FUJI APPLE!" And I say, "How did you know that?" It's followed by a big uproar of "you always do" and "because we just know."
What can I say? Fuji apples are the best!

You know it's Fall when...

...Your dog, Sugar, eats leaves that have accumulated beside your front door and then hacks for the next 10 minutes. It's a yearly occurance... oh the signs of the seasons!
Here is Sugar and my other dog, Otis! Truly adorable little creatures. Otis just stares at her in wonder while she hacks away!

Mom's Fake Plant Turns Real

My mom had surgery a few days ago on her parathyroid. It ended up being a much more difficult surgery than expected when they found out that the parathyroid was buried in the thyroid. She has had a problem with her heart the last 20 years causing her heart rate to increase to a dangerous speed. Since they had to deal with her thyroid, this caused her heart to increase to 169 for two hours after surgery. She was released the next day after giving her some meds that caused her heart to be normal. She is still having some problems with the fast heart rate, but is at home and recovering well.

Here is a funny story that kind of brightened the situation. I wanted to get her a plant to take to the hospital...roses are pretty, but they don't last. She has several plants at home, so I knew she would like a plant better than roses. The gift shop had one plant left, so that's the one I bought. Going up the elevator to her room, I realized the plant was fake as I looked at the straw in the bottom of the pot. I was very frustrated and embarrased as I took my mom a fake plant. Of course she didn't care and said she would still use it. My dad looked at it and swore the plant was real. We just kind of laughed at him and said there was no way the plant could be real with straw at the bottom. Besides that, it really did look plastic. Yesterday my mom called me before school and said the fake plant I got her was now wilted and really needed water. There really was dirt in the bottom past all of that straw. It was pretty funny...and I felt better I didn't get my mom a fake plant! :)

Learning to Love the Desert

Well, this is a record. My 3rd blog in one day and it's only 1:30 in the afternoon. I haven't written anything in over a month and I write three in one day. I guess there isn't a lot to do but rest when you are sick. And blog.

Wanted to write a few more thoughts on having a longing heart. I do think that a longing heart comes from the Lord and that we will never fully be satisfied on this earth until He comes again. Jesus Himself has a longing heart. He longs for us, for our whole hearts to be given to Him. There are times where He comes so powerfully as if I could see Him with my own eyes. Then there are seasons that causes me to think He is distant. I know He is not, but because of my own heart that is prone to distraction, I lose a bit of the closeness that I had at one point with Him. It is because of this that the longing comes. It is what I CAN have with God and what IS available to me in God that brings a great frustration because I see such lack in my own life. It is like I am eating crumbs from a table when I could be feasting at the table with Him. There is more that I can have of Him, it's just I choose such lesser things so many times. I don't realize it until a week, a month, or a year later that I have just wasted so much on...well...things that don't have much significance in the light of eternity.

I guess it is true then that our unsatisfaction and hunger for God is God Himself working and wooing us to draw near to Him and say yes to Him again. To rise up out of our comfort zone and seek Him with fresh fervency knowing that what we do is not in vain. How foolish it looks to spend our days on the earth seeking Him, but how wise it is in His eyes and in the eyes of eternity. I once thought life was about perfect consistancy with Him. I am now learning life is about saying yes numerous times and starting over again and again. That's the beauty of grace, of mercy, and the heart of Jesus that invites every weak person to drink deeply of His heart of love. I love His heart for us and wish I had a deeper understanding of it in my own life. It is a mystery that our hearts will always be trying to grasp!

One thing I am learning is that God delights in brokeness and humility. In the process of Him making me more this way, I find I question what He is doing and have a great way to go as far as understanding His ways and how He works in my life. I have to watch myself from accusing Him and questioning His decisions about my life only to find that I am still in need of such a transformation. If only I could be empty of all my fears, doubts, and accusations!! If only I could trust better, believe more, and have more courage. I wish I loved and saw the wisdom in it, but maybe by the time I am 90, I will learn to love the desert season. I want to understand His heart in the middle of it better.

Search for the One my Heart Loves

I love the different seasons...especially in Oklahoma! When living in Arizona, the seasons weren't all that different. Yes, it was a little colder/hotter, but nothing compared to the changes that occur here. The desert doesn't change much in different seasons! I love the leaves changing colors. I think it reflects the beauty and joy of God's delight in creating each season so differently.

In the Summer, I often long for Fall's arrival. In the Winter, I often am ready for Spring. Summer gets very uncomfortable when it's 100 degrees outside and I have to do recess duty. Winter also has it's downsides (ice, etc.). The truth is, every season is beautiful in it's own way, but often we long for the season that is coming next. That is the season I am in personally - one of waiting and longing. When it's Winter time, I often think of Summer and how nice it would be to throw on my flip flops and go for a walk. In seasons of waiting and searching, remembering can be our strength. I cling to the times that the Lord has showed up, spoken loudly, and confirmed clearly. I trust in the times He has come through and proved faithful with His promises. I lean into Him when I feel weak, when I don't really know the answers, and when I can't see what's coming. In every season, I know He calls us to one thing - rest and peace in Him. I am assured that when my heart is quieted before Him He will carry me to that place of perfect peace in Him. And even if I don't sense it, I still trust knowing that it's just a season, just a part of the big picture, just a moment in time that will soon be written off as a yesterday.

"...I will search for the one my heart loves." Song of Solomon 3:2

I am in a season of restlessness. I want to be closer to Him, to hear His voice, to feel His embrace on my heart. I wonder if the restlessness is from God in the sense that He is drawing me out of a comfortable place and wanting me to search for Him, to look for Him, and to really run after Him. I want to stay in the place of intimacy with Him. I hate being busy! It is time to search for the One my heart loves, to give Him more of my time, and to reset my priorities.

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise...and Christ will shine on You." Eph 5:14

When God Looks at Me

I cried when I went to the Dr. last week. Not because I was sick...but because I got weighed. How embarrasing is that, right? I know I had gained some, but I was shocked as I looked on the scales. It was followed by a deep sigh, a few tears, and text to a friend stating, "I'm so sad. I weigh *** pounds." It's true, I struggle with my image a lot. It seems to be worse at times and the last few weeks has been one of the worst times yet. I know the Lord is wanting to break this in my life, but it just seems to have a deep hook in me that I can't seem to shake. I'm getting older, the matabalism is slowing down, and my life is the busiest it has ever been. Exercise is hard to work into the schedule when you have been sick and need to rest, but have no time to. Therefore, you just remain sick or even get sicker. Anyways, the Doc gave me a few ideas of how to lose my 25 extra pounds I've befriended.

This morning I realized what I need as I sat in my living room and snuggled with my dog, Sugar. Speaking of sugar, I need to stop eating it. But that's not what my greatest need is. My greatest need is not to add exercise into my routine, although that would be a good thing and I do plan on doing it when I get over being sick. This morning as I sat in the quietness of my living room I realized what I need most is to see God looking at me. I will never forget the first time I saw God looking at me. This morning I cried as I remembered. I won't go into detail, but I was changed when I discovered about how God felt about me and how He saw me. In that moment I saw how I viewed myself and it didn't measure up to God's thoughts about me. That moment changed me and it stands as one of the most powerful times I have had. It was like I was the most important person on the earth to God. I felt so loved, so important, and so cared for. Every fear of feeling overlooked, unnoticed, and unattrative seemed to disappear during that time. Today I realize I have gotten back into some of my old mindsets about who I am, what I look like, and how I am viewed. In the business of everything, I have allowed my heart to stop being fed on how God feels about me, which is really food for my soul.

I would rather be 25 pounds overweight and have a heart that believes in the truth of God's love and affection towards me than be perfectly in shape and living by the standards of what our culture calls beauty. In the long run, it really doesn't matter one bit.

Another thief! Grrr!

Someone stole my camera a few weeks ago! With my car being broken into twice and my ipod and ID stolen, I've had my full of thiefs in the last year or so.

Unfortunately, I think this time it may be one of the little darling Kennedy children....hmmm...

Kindergarten Quotes of the Week

Here it is:

"Ms. Isaacs, your hair is beautiful..." (stroke, stroke)..."it's like a horse."

Kindergartener's are so honest, which is good most of the time. I had a zit today followed by, "WHAT IS THAT AWFUL RED THING ON YOUR FACE???"

:(

haha...

Cultivating an Inner Life With God

I'm in a state of fear and trembling as I really ponder about what matters most in life. We can so easily get pulled into the daily routine of our individual lives and forget about the things that matter most. Although it is very important the choices we make outwardly such as how we treat others, the most important thing we need to be cultivating is our INWARD life in the Lord. Our hearts are often what we neglect.To cultivate our heart in God takes time and discipline, something that we probably don't want to hear! But, to cultivate life on the inside is the best decision we can make.

As a teacher, it's my job to try and provide a learning atmosphere that will bring about some internal movtivation from the children. We want them to make the right choice because they know it's the right chioce on the inside. If they are doing it for an outward reason, like to get a sticker, they never really grasp the reason why they should make the right choice. Don't get me wrong, I give a lot of stickers out! There is definately a time to do that, but this is a great example of how a lot of us live. We live for outward pleasure, searching for something that will satisfy. It reminds me of a gerbil on a wheel. We are busy, but it's not taking us anywhere and it leaves us empty only wanting more. We need to stop for a moment and really take a look inwardly. Are we alive on the inside? Are we being internally motivated to do things for the Lord? Or are we feeling stuck and bored in dry religion. No one wants dry religion. It's about the worst thing on the earth. To live a Christian life only on the outside is no different than any other religion in the world. We can have an incredible friendship and love relationship with God IF we cultivate it. It doesn't just happen over night.

I think I can easily say that cultivating an inward life in God is the most important thing we can be doing right now. But I also think it's the most difficult and takes great sacrifice to do it. It will completely change our lifestyles to do it, but I have a feeling that it will be the only thing that can get us through the coming days. If we don't have that, what really do we have? Other friendships and relationships are God given and important, but we must make more of an effort to cultivate our hearts in friendship with God. It will make or break us.

Just Bought a New Car

Yes, for the first time I have purchased my own new vehicle! It's a blue 2009 Dodge Journey...similar to an SUV. I am in love with it! Got a good deal on it and have absolutely no buyer's remorse. Sorry, but I don't have a picture yet. It's used, but very low on milage and much cheaper than if I would have bought it new. I was so glad to get rid of my '99 Oldsmobile Intrigue whose windows didn't roll down, CD player rarely worked, and mirrors never adjusted. I'm considering getting a car alarm since my car has been broken into TWICE in the past few months. But, they caught the group that broke into it the first time and stole several things. I was one of 80 victims (houses and cars being broke into). Glad they caught 'em, but still a little paranoid. LOVE my new car though!!
Now for the bad news...when they ran my credit, I found out my identity had been stolen way back in 2006 and someone from Tucson, AZ had put several things on there like car loans, etc. Thankfully it didn't affect me buying my car, but now I have to spend the time trying to clean up my credit. No fun...I'm so tired of my finances and credit being messed up! As some of you know, my I.D. was stolen back in March, so I already had some problem with identity theft. Now I have a completely different problem to take care of. Mean!!!

The Heart of the Father for us!

Here is a glimpse into my life and what God has done in my heart. I hope you find it encouraging and know that if God feels this way about me, He certainly doesn't feel any less about you. He doesn't have any favorites - He loves each of us like we are all His favorites!! He is an amazing Father.

Growing up I was a normal kid. I was dirty most of the time from playing outside with the neighborhood kids. I was born in Colorado, but moved to Arizona when I was four. I lived there until I graduated highschool and moved to Oklahoma. Arizona made an interesting childhood. From 1st - 4th grade I lived about 15 minutes out of town in a small area of homes in the middle of a dessert. No kidd'n! My days were filled with climbing over the barbed wire fence located about 30 feet from my front gate. From there it was an endless adventure into the heated dessert where I would run from snakes, chase lizards, and build forts with my buddies.

I was the youngest of three sisters and always felt I could never measure up to them. They were a lot smarter than I was and seemed to be better than I was at most things. I was mostly clumsy and made a lot of mistakes that proved to be laughable by others. At a young age my self esteem slowly and steadily became low. I never thought I could measure up or do anything right. My heart posture didn't change much through the teen years. I wasn't depressed, suicidal, or having major emotional problems. I just didn't think I was anything really special or unique. I didn't have much self value and considered myself someone that was hidden in the day to day life of school. I just didnt see myself as someone that had anything special about me.

This is the most incredible truth that has struck my heart more than anything about how God feels about me. I know how it feels to be told for the first time that you are special, that you are loved, and that you are wanted. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me well. But there are places in our hearts that only God can touch and heal. This was one of those deep, deep places that God touched with His healing embrace. The only way I can explain it is that it was like being an orphan waiting for someone to want me. I was waiting for someone to look at me and tell me who I was...that I wasn't forgotten and that I wasn't just another person living life with no real purpose. I wanted to be known, I wanted to be seen, and I wanted to be noticed. It was like being adopted into the most loving, the most wonderful embrace of a Father's arms. That embrace has brought much healing into my life. And as I realize more and more who the Father is, I can't help but share about what He has done in me. When He speaks over us and we hear Him, His voice is like a powerful force that breaks off every bit of neglect, abandonment, and rejection. Nothing can stay when the voice of my Father declares who I am. Yes, I have been adopted and it has changed my identity. It has changed the way I see myself. When the ugliness of rejection and the lie that says no one really cares rises up in me, I cling to my Father. I may not feel Him all the time, but I cling to His promise over my life. That promise is that I am loved, I am wanted, and He cherishes me. He says His thoughts about me are more than the sands on the seashore and those thoughts are all loving thoughts. They are full of affection and love and tenderness.

The other day I was feeling a bit depressed and wasn't really sure why. Depression is a tricky thing...sometimes we know the reason behind our depression, other times we don't. Finally after wallowing in it for awhile, I turned to the Lord. I layed on the floor of my room and all of a sudden His love began to wash over me and I just lost it...I cried and cried and cried. I bawled like a baby in the arms of my Daddy. As I cried, I felt the Lord tenderly saying over me, "I care about you, Marci. I really care about you." He just said it over and over and over again. Every time it was like His words were bringing deep healing to my heart. He began to show me situations and events in my life where I felt overlooked, where decisions were made without asking what I wanted, and where I didn't feel listened to. As I allowed the Father to hold me close to His heart, it was like He was telling me that He listened to me, that the things that were in my heart were important to Him, and He wanted my dreams to be fulfilled. His love washed over me and I rose from the floor a different person!

As we live life on this earth, we will have times where it gets the best of us. It is in those times that the Father just wants us to curl up on His lap and let Him love us. His heart beats with a love that is everlasting, a love that is so tender it can brake the hardest of hearts. He wants us to get to the point where we expect Him to love us because we know His heart and we know how He feels about us. When a child climbs in his/her Father's lap, they don't expect to be spanked. They expect to be embraced and loved. It's the same with God. We need a good extra-long time with our Father. Just Him and us. Let the tears come, let the hurts go, and let His love wash over us again.

Tattoo

I think I want one....

Our Highest Calling

After many years of being a "church person," I'm just now finding out and experiencing (on a beginning level) the reality of the highest calling of the Chrisitan life. I think in our culture and time, we leave the Christian experience to merely a church experience with no real depth to it. I'm speaking of myself, and not being critical of others. I have found this to be true of seasons in my life - that I merely attend church with no life of God on the inside. I finally asked myself what the real point was. I also realized I had this ache and emptiness that wasn't getting filled by anything around me. Alongside this realization I had this longing and desire to really know God - to know His love, not just the emptiness of religious activity. I wanted to know if He could satisfy the very depths of my being. Instead of quitting the whole church thing, I decided to do quite the opposite and begin to really seek hard to find God in an intimate way for myself. I'm talking as a friend, not an acquaintance...I wanted to experience His presence on a much deeper level. I figured that if it's really possible for anyone anywhere to step into a depth of friendship and love relationship with God, I'm going to try it out. I'm for church and all, but church in itself is way below the line of relational intimacy God has intended for us. He wants our hearts.

I say all that to say this -- the highest calling of a Christian is quite different than what our culture says it is. There are many people who do not attend church that are much nearer to God and have an understanding of who God is than many church people. Again, I don't say that critically, I'm just aware that people like myself are not aware of their real spiritual state. It's kind of like calling people to drink deeply of thirst-quenching water, but we aren't even aware that we are calling them into the dessert where their hearts won't be satisfied. We must come to the realization that we really don't know that much about God and that the things we call important, even in ministry stuff, is quite possibly much different than what is viewed as important in the heart of God.

I think to understand the highest calling of a Christian is to understand the desires of God's heart. It's in finding out what He is like and what He wants and longs for that we will understand what the Christian life is about, what is important to Him, and what is less important to Him. What does God like? If we were made in His image, we have to realize that God's heart actually LIKES things. He is full of emotions, has a personality, and has thoughts. If He likes things, it's only fair to say that there are things He doesn't like. Think about the things you enjoy doing -- what are some activities or things you like to do? Just like us, God really likes certain things. The question that I want to know is, what does He like BEST? What really moves His heart and pleases Him? It's a little different than ours...although I figure I will go fishing with Him one day, it's probably not first on His "I like" list. When I'm thinking of a birthday gift for a friend, I want to get something that they like. I have to know them pretty well for this to happen. The moment they open that gift, I want to know for sure that they will like it. We can be that sure about God's heart - we can be sure that we are pleasing Him, that what we do really makes Him smile, and our choices and decisions line up with His priorities.

Do you know what I have noticed in my life? God likes it when I pay attention to Him. He likes it when I notice Him and involve Him in my decisions and day to day activities. This doesn't mean I go around talking to Him in front of people or do wierd religious things to make a fool of myself. As a matter of fact, if you would ask someone I work with, they would tell you I really don't talk that much about God to them. I may not ever mention it. It's not that I'm afraid to, I just think it is much more powerful and real for someone to watch my life than for me to tell them about it. Words are just words. I want my life to be much more than words...I want to reflect God's love in my actions. It doesn't always happen, but that's the story of all our lives. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Is it safe to say that all God wants and desires is to be paid attention to...to be listened to...to be loved? There is no doubt that we are loved by Him, but I believe the invitation for us is to be HIS friend - to ask Him what is on His mind, to make time to listen to Him, and to find out what He really likes. A good friend knows the desires of their friend's hearts - they know what they like and dislike. A person who is working for someone may never get to the "friend/friend" relationship with their boss. God doesn't want to be a boss and He doesn't want workers. He wants us to get out of the worker mentality and enter into a friendship with Him. He wants us to get out of the master/slave kind of relationship and begin to see that He wants to partner with us in our jobs and relationships.

Are we aware of what God is doing in our lives? The big things, small things, and everything inbetween? So many times we see it as just circumstances lining up in our favor, but it really is God's hand at work. He really is active in our lives. Unfortunately we can get so busy that we miss the opportunity God gives us for friendship with Him. I believe this is the highest calling of our lives - to notice God, to listen to Him, to involve Him in our lives, and to love Him. May we all take a little bit more time to involve Him in our lives -- that HE would feel wanted, loved, and welcome.

Summer

What a year it has been! It's been nice to relax after unwinding from my first year of teaching. I love summer. I think of the summer months when I was little. They were filled with outside activities, desert adventures (I lived in AZ literally in the middle of a desert), bike riding, and other fun stuff. It's so interesting how kid's favorite play time activities have changed over the years. I hated being inside! I still love summer, but spend it quite differently than I used to. I usually try and get out of the country, but not this year. I plan on relaxing, spending time in the prayer room, taking daily walks with Jenn around OU (started today...hope it continues), and visiting my family. And, of course, thinking about the upcoming year will definately be involved in my summer days also. August is just around the corner!

Mother's Day

Well, tomorrow is Mother's Day! Unfortunately my Mom is out of town, so we are celebrating next week...it will actually be better since one of my sisters will be in town for my cousin's wedding. So I guess it all works out!
But, I did have a bit of an early MOM celebration with my kiddos at school on Friday. All of the Moms came and the kids painted their nails, gave them massages, served them dessert, and gave them the gifts we had been working on all week. It was a very sweet time...the kids loved it and the Moms made some good memories! Yay for mommies!
Here is a picture of my lovely Mommy! She would be very mad I put this up...but she will never know!! :)

Puddin'

So, this might possibly be the most random post I've ever written. You'll understand why after reading it. I'm going to tell you about my first (and only) doll. I wasn't so much into dolls when I was little. I liked playing outside and getting really dirty. But tonight as I eat my delicious steaming hot chocolate pudding my thoughts trail back to the day I got my first (and only, I repeat) doll. It's a good story, so don't stop now! :) If anything, you'll just agree with me about it being very random.

I was born with my feet pointed severely inward. When I got older and began to walk, I wore leg braces because of it. There is a long story behind it, but to make it short, my parents prayed and the Lord did a miracle on my legs and they straightened out. Anyways, my mom's family lives in Colorado and we would spend a few weeks there each summer visiting. One particular summer when we were shopping at a store in Creede, Colorado (my family has a cabin there), my eyes beheld the one and only doll I would fall in love with. She hung in a display case and her name was "Pudd'n." Now you know why I thought of her while eating my delicious steaming hot chocolate pudding that is now sitting beside me cooling off. This was not just any doll... she was very unique in nature! Her legs pointed inward just like mine did! My sisters thougth she was the ugliest doll they had seen, but I thought she was beautiful because she had the same problem I had! Looking back, she was pretty ugly. She had no hair and wasn't smiling. But the only reason I liked her was because her imperfection was the same as mine. I wanted her so badly, but didn't get her that day. A few days later it was my birthday. Yes, you guessed it. My momma had her wrapped up ready to give to me. I was so excited when I opened it!

Now that I look back, I see even more of myself in that doll. I am what Paul calls the "weak and foolish things of the world" that God chooses. My "disabilities" are so obvious at times! Yet, God loves me despite them all! I love how He loves us!!!

Peace with God

I long to be near to God. I desire His touch on my heart. The reality of an unseen and uncreated God is more than what our eyes gaze upon. He is moving all around us but remains untouchable. He is seen in the mountains, the storms, the ocean. Yet, none can see His face. "Where are you, Lord," is a question my heart often asks, yet He is everywhere...everywhere at once. Sometimes it feels like He is close and other times He feels far. Yet, He misses nothing and knows everything. He sees every single movement of our hearts. He knows our thoughts, our yesterdays, and our tomorrows. He knows our passions that are hidden and the ones that are known. He knows our wants, our wishes, and our regrets. He sees every chamber of our heart...darkened or lit. So what is God like? I certaintly do not know but a very small glimpse of the beginning of the beginning of His character and heart towards us. Humility is the response of a heart that has touched Him.

God is seen among the noise. God is seen in the market places and among the crowds of people. He is also seen in quietness. God is seen in the monk who abides in solitude. God is seen in the unborn child. God is seen in nature. He is seen in the smile of a child living in the slums. He is seen in poverty and among the despised of the earth. What is of true importance to Him would shock us and bring us to our knees. Who will touch the ones that are important to His heart? May we get so close that we begin to hear His heart beat and feel the rhythm and dance of His heart.

We can do nothing, be nothing, accomplish nothing without Him. We are desperate individuals who, without the touch of God, would destroy ourselves with the evil that we are capable of walking in. We are naive of our own humanity and often fail to realize His incredible patience and love that hover over our lives. We, or should I say I, am often choked by my own christian culture that plugs the flow of God's touch through me. I fall short of walking in love and am aware of once again my brokeness and ability to walk in the divine. My motives are impure and I am full of selfishness. Yet, I hear Him whispering tenderly again the simple words of "You are ok." And I sense again the peace that there is between Him and I. To know there is peace with God is a gift. It doesn't make much sense and that's the reason I so often struggle to stand in it. One who is so perfect wants to be close to me, to be my friend, and to help me. I arise only to fall again, and then only to hear the familiar words, "You are ok." Then I feel it again. Peace between Him and I. Pure and perfect peace that could only come from a pure and perfect love. Let Him whisper into your ear as well. We are all of the same nature and we all desperately need the quiet, gentle whisper to calm our overstressed and anxious hearts. He wants us to rest in Him. To feel the waterfall of His love and peace strengthen our weary hearts. If you have fallen again like I often do, arise and receive His love. Repentance is a gift that brings humility and creates an openess in our hearts where it was once closed. Repentance is our friend and should be used as a tool to create tenderness on the inside, a necessary ingrediant to walking in the Spirit.

Jesus Stands Among the Trash

A few years ago I took a trip to Ecuador where I helped to minister to people who lived in the city dump. My heart was awakened on this trip because I encountered one place that I believe Jesus, if He lived on the earth, would walk today. There is no way that a human would choose, or want, to hang out at this place without motives of wanting to help these people. Not only did it affect our team emotionally, but it was the most difficult place that I had ever been in physically. I have never smelt such a horrific stinch before. And these people lived in the middle of it day after day after day. As I roamed through the dump, I saw many children. Some were playing with toys they could find among the trash. Others were resting in their cardboard box homes. They smiled with beauty as one of my team members handed over his hat and hackey sack to give them. I noticed a mother cleaning off her infants diaper only to put it back on her child again. I was overwhelmed at my own naivity as far as the human race and the poverty I was encountering.

I love Jesus. Do you know one reason I love Him? Because just like the dump, there is no one else who would choose or have the desire to stand and walk among my trash. Not only does He WANT to walk among it, He wants to hold it in His hand, clean it up, and make it into something beautiful. Humanity's normal reaction to their personal trash is to hide it. Shame demands that we put a lid on it so the stinch doesn't seep out causing others to see it and reject us. But it's still there. And honestly, others really don't want to see it anyways. If they do, rejection is probably on the horizon. We are only human and most of us really don't want to have anything to do with others who have real issues. The problem is, we all have trash that wreaks. Some of us are just better at hiding it. Do you know the kind of person that Jesus wants to hold near to Him? The person who wreaks with trash, the one who is severely messed up, and the one who needs a good cleaning. He doesn't want to look at our issues from a distance. He wants to WALK AMONG IT. He doesn't mind the smell or the filth. He wants you to crawl up close to Him with your filth and allow Him to love you. We are ashamed of it and are scared He will reject us if He sees. But if only we would open our hearts to the healer, we would find our souls at ease. We are used to rejection, but He is so different than others. He loves differently. Some might take years of allowing the healer to stand among their trash before they get cleaned up. He is not in a hurry. Not only is it His desire to clean you, but He just wants to rest with you through the process smiling the whole time. He just wants you to allow Him to stand in it no matter how long it takes. He isn't going to take a bull dozer and destroy your dump. He is going to pick up one trash at a time, hold it in His hand, speak His words of life over it and patiently wait until you begin to believe it about yourself. Finally, one day your mind will be renewed and you will begin to see yourself as He sees you...not as one who lives in a filthy dump, but one that is the very treasure and reward of God Himself. But even if you do not ever encounter such a feeling on earth...even if you can't ever seem to climb over your trash or get out of the dump...even if you can't ever see beyond the years of pain and heartache, Jesus still feels the same about you. He doesn't demand perfection, He simply wants to be a part of your trash and begin the long process of preparing you to be His eternal friend and partner.

My Weekend

Why do I wait until 9:30 on Sunday night to do laundry for the next week? I'm sitting myself down and telling myself it's time to get more responsible. Ok, so I've had a busy weekend. No excuses! I'm ready to go to bed (but still have time to blog)! :) I went to my parent's house yesterday. I walked in to their house and smelt a familiar smell of my mom's famous casserole. After eating, we spent the afternoon in Ada. Unfortunately our shopping consisted of getting me a new wiper for my window since it flung off my car crazily on the drive there. Being the "sometimes blonde" person that I am, I decided to still turn the wiper on after it had flung off and watch it scratch my window. I shook my head at myself as I whispered under my breath, "that was so dumb" and quickly turned it off. I mean seriously... what was I thinking?! Anyways, back to my time with my parents. After the fun time we had buying my window wiper, we went and had our traditional braums icecream. I, of course, had a peanut butter hot fudge sundae while my parents had a low fat something. I felt a little bad as I looked at my choice compared to their low calorie/fat choice. This lasted up until the time that I took a bite of mine. The guilt quickly fled away as I endulged myself in the delicious and beautiful peanut butter hot fudge sundae. There's really nothing like it. I have a problem. It is called chocolate. Anyways...gotta go finish laundry!

God is Looking

Tonight I hear Him knocking on my heart. I feel Him looking at me. God...looking at me...it is amazing. I can't see Him. I sometimes feel Him. But He is IN me. Yet, He is ever desiring our attention. But at the same time He does it quietly. He never barges in or makes us listen and look. Why doesn't He show Himself? He is so humble in nature, so patient, so hidden, yet at times so obvious to the heart that is looking. He watches and waits. He creates obstacles to get our attention. He is jealous of our time, our hearts, our devotion. It is a mystery beyond my understanding.

I am on a journey to learn the power of brokeness. There is such strength in knowing how weak we really are. I am not there yet. Actually, I often think of myself higher than what I am, only to find that I am believing a lie told by my own heart. I often believe myself only to be disappointed in the fact that perfection can't be obtained. I often demand it of others, which tells me much about myself and how I lack in my own ability to have the character that God has in dealing with imperfect people. It only shows me how imperfect I really am and how far I really need to go. But the fact that I'm trying to obtain perfection shows me also that I am not fully mature in God's love. Not that we should not try to please God in being "better." What I'm saying is that there is a beauty in standing in God's light and countenance in full weakness and understanding of our own humanity that we are imperfect. I want to hold God's hand as one who is aware of my lack, but with no condemnation. For the heart that is condemning of itself is not perfect in love either. So how are we to walk with God? For the heart that is arrogantly self-rightous is on the other extreme than the one who is condemning of themselves, but both are imperfect in love. To hold God's hand and walk with Him as one who doesn't try to be anything else than what I am, to see myself with the right perspective (not standing in condemnation or self-righteousness but as the object of His affection), and to give Him the attention He deserves is a worthwhile goal. Compassion only comes from a heart that has received compassion. Love only comes from a heart that has received love. Mercy only comes from a heart that receives mercy. What is it that each of us need to receive from God in our lives to cause us to love more perfectly? I will take all the above and much much more. For the heart that is aware of it's lack and need is the heart that will cry out for more of God's touch to be aware in their life. I didn't always need God. After all of these years, I think I am finally beginning to though. And I am finding that I love better because God is bringing me to a lower place. A place where I can look in someone's eyes and feel their pain. A place where compassion is felt and tears are cried for another. A place where I am sincere with the people around me and my words actually come from my heart instead of the fakiness and flakiness of shallow relationships. To know I am no different than the drug addict, the abused child, or the person who has made a mess of their lives from their mistakes. We are all living proof that God does pay attention to people who don't measure up. He is looking at us.

Snow

It's supposed to snow tomorrow. Spring, where are you?!

Spring Break

Oh yes, spring break. I'm ready for my momma's cooking.

Perspective

I had dinner with a friend the other day and we were talking about how often we are tempted to get offended at the things that happen, or don't happen, in our lives. We even at times begin to question God's goodness and His ability to make good decisions over our lives. We think somehow that we know better and have a better way of doing things because we are unable to see His perspective on things. It boils down to an issue of trust.

The verse I've been pondering is in Psalms 103 that basically says He treats us better than we deserve. Think about what each of us truly deserve. This is something that I forget and don't think of often enough. The reality that we DESERVE eternal punishment is quite humbling. In fact, the person who really has this revelation alive in them will never get offended at God. Instead, they will live as one who has been loved by the Judge of all -- that He chose to look past what we deserve and give us mercy. No matter what their life looks like- good, bad, or ugly- they live in the love of God, as one who has been "snatched from the fire" and choose to have a thankful heart in the midst of confusion and not totally understanding everything. Living life on the earth with an eternal perspective is not easy and takes a lot of discipline. It's easier not to, for sure.

Embarrasing

It's March and my Christmas tree is still in my backyard. Now that is ridiculous.

The Weather Man Lied

I hate it when the weather man is wrong. It was supposed to be warm today and so I wore my shorts and sandals. The bad thing is that I had recess duty. I froze!!!

In thinking about weather, I often think of seasons. In thinking of seasons, I think about life. Sometimes we predict the "weather" of our lives and it ends up being very different. We prepare and "clothe" ourselves for what we think will happen in the future. We often (speaking for myself) aren't ready for what life throws at us, especially when we had such high expectations that may not have happened. We end up freezing during recess duty and angry at the weather man for getting it wrong. I am glad that even in the midst of changes, suprises, and disappointments there is one whose love withstands it all. Not only that, but we can know that our trust and character are being defined and strengthened along the way. I find my focus is so easily shaken and I have a hard time being consistant with the Lord during times when my future is so unclear. Only God could put up with all of my many ups and downs!

Sleeping Boys

Here is an answer to a request for a picture from my last blog...since you can't see their faces, I think it's ok to post it! :) Gotta love this! Read the previous blog for more understanding.

Zoo Fieldtrip

Yes, we went to the Zoo today! And oh my goodness were those kids sooo excited! We didn't leave til a good hour and a half after school started and we didn't get much accomplished because the kids just could not stop asking, "When are we going? Is it time yet? Can we go NOW, please!?" An hour is an eternity for five and six year olds. We had fun even though we didn't have a real long time to spend there. But, I guess it was long enough when I noticed several kids asleep on the way home! It looked like a pack of puppies in that bus. Everyone was laying on each other trying to sleep in the most uncomfortable looking positions. For them, it seemed to work though. I even had to remind one little guy that it was against the rules for him to sleep on the floor of the back of the bus. The little guy next to me was asleep within the first five minutes. They were exausted! It was definately much quieter than on the way there! They will sleep well tonight.

Old Friends

There is nothing like spending time with old friends... I just finished having a wonderful 2 hour talk with a friend that I have known for about 11 years. She is now living in Tennesse and she met up with some of her family that came. It was very freeing and I realized when it was over how badly my heart needed to be with someone who I can let my hair down with and just be me for a moment. It was very refreshing!

Southern Seafood

As some of you may know, I have been in the South for a few days. Some might say that Oklahoma is in the South, but being in Georgia, I have come to know that they are in the DEEP South. I have been eating some really good food while being here in Atlanta. One thing that I do NOT like though is sea food that tastes like the sea. My opinion is that if it tastes like the sea, it needs to stay in the sea. I can handle popcorn shrimp because it's fried. Everything else, I can't handle unless it's flavored so much that it covers up the taste. So, I went with some friends to a nice seafood restaurant thinking I would order my regular grilled chicken or salad that I get at seafood restaurants. When the plates came, so did another little friend that I felt sorry for, but was grossed out at all at the same time. It happened to be on the plate next to me and stared at me the whole time. I finally had to cover it up with a napkin. Here it is:

My Greek salad was delicious and nothing was staring at me, so I was happy!

Stuck in Alabama

I am stuck at the Montgomery, Alabama airport becuase of bad weather... I am SOOO tired. Unfortunately there are tornadoes in Atlanta, so I'll be here awhile. At least there is a 25 cent M&M machine and the weather channel to watch. I sure hope my final destination won't be in Montgomery, Alabama. My bed time was an hour ago. I'm trying to hold back the gripiness, but it's getting tougher and tougher.

A Sense of Destiny

Today I spent the day with my parents. We went to look at cars... it happens to be my dad's favorite thing to do. So we traveled to Seminole, OK just to look at vehicles. I have several childhood memories of sitting in the car in front of dealerships while my dad looked at vehicles. My thoughts were, "Not again..." Sitting in a car for a long time would have been difficult for any child. I never understood why he liked looking at them knowing the whole time he wasn't going to buy one. Afterward we looked at cars (or watched him look at cars), my mom thought she would show me the house my dad lived in as a child. I remember seeing it a long time ago, but I can barely remember. It was a very tiny house that's since been remodeled. Seeing the house brought up a long conversation about my dad's childhood years. He took me to his school he attended up til he was 7 and then moved to Arizona. He showed me the corner of the school where he remembered getting in a fight with some boys because he rode their bike at lunch without asking. He then drove me down main street and showed me the side walk he walked down when his mom gave him $5 to go and buy a B.B. gun when he was 5. As I listened, I couldn't help but feel a sense of destiny as I was looking at the city in which my dad lived in up until he was 7. I couldn't help but think how the Lord knew my dad when he was a child, how he knows him now, and how He knew that my dad would one day bring his youngest daughter here to show me part of his past. I don't know if this blog can fully describe what I was feeling or do it justice. Makes me think of how the Lord knows our days and lives fully -- that our days are written in His book from the beginning til the end. It also makes me realize that our lives are so much bigger than ourselves and our role in other people's lives is so important. That little boy that loved B.B. guns and got in fights a lot was destined to be my dad. He, just like the rest of us, carries all of the experiences of his life and they have shaped him to be who he is today. He, in turn, has been a large part of the Lord's purpose in my life and helped to put the foundation I needed in my life at a young age.

Tenderness

Having a tender heart does not come natural (for me, anyways). I have to constantly work and keep my heart soft before the Lord. If there is no tending of my heart, the natural state of my heart becomes harder and harder as time goes on. I find it becomes the natural thing to carry someone's burden when my heart is tender. When it is not, it seems I have the "I don't care" attitude that easily just pushes people and situations under the rug. But when my heart has that connection of tenderness with Jesus, it seems that I care about others more and am moved by compassion more. I'm glad to know that Jesus' heart is tender towards us, that He cares, He is moved by compassion, and He carries our burdens. Tenderness is a gift that comes to those who go after it. I guess it's like anything in God -- those who pursue it, who are hungry and thirsty for it, will get it in time.

Off to change that darn belt in my car (not too tender about that, am I?).

Valentine Gifts and Cracked Car Belts

I'm sitting on my recliner in my living room with my feet up looking at my table which is overflowing with valentine gifts. These consist of candles, candy, a red valentine hat, stuffed animals, chocolate apples, more candy, flowers, pencils, numerous kinds of valentines (homemade, store bought, and everything in between) and did I say candy? Oh the joy of being with 5/6 year olds on Valentines Day! Some of the quotes of the day were, "This is the best day ever," "I'm never going to forget this day," "This is the best party out of all the parties we've had so far, Ms. Isaacs." I'm VERY exausted, which equals out to be a fun filled day for the little ones.

Do I even have to tell you whether or not I had sugar today? The real question is whether or not I ate anything BESIDES sugar today. I'm not even going to answer that question. Ok I will. I'm sure you're dying to know what I ate. I went to subway for lunch and got my turkey sandwich on honey oat bread with cheese, bell peppers, banana peppers, onions, salt and pepper, and vinegar and oil. And of course, my usual baked BBQ chips with water. Oh and one more important detail - it always has to be toasted. It is a must. So I guess I did eat something somewhat healthy. I won't mention the topic of sugar for at least another week until all of this chocolate is gone. Unfortunately it won't take long for that to happen, I'm sure. I really should just drop the subject anyways. I mean, are you really interested in what I eat every day? I highly doubt it. There must be something more blog-worthy I can pull out than food.

Now going to a completely different subject...my car. One thing I hate is spending money on cars. I have to get a belt changed before heading to my parents tomorrow. I guess it is necessary to spend money to fix it at times, but I'd much rather spend it on something else. Like clothes, for instance. I had my chance though. I went shopping yesterday and left very disgusted when nothing would fit. My pride got in the way when I left the store and refused to buy clothes that were the next size up from what I'm used to. As if it was the store's fault or something. Back to my car... It's also frustrating when I'm trying to wait it out a few months until I can get another vehicle. I'm trying to not put a bunch of money into it if I'm going to get rid of it soon. Ug...too many things that are not worth worrying about.

Anyways, I'm looking forward to a quiet and peaceful weekend. :)

Broken Strings and Superman Valentines

I hate when guitar strings break. The only thing that is worse is when I have no other strings to put on it. Today that is the case. Therefore, I cannot play. I guess I COULD play, but it sounds awful. Yep, strings -- all strings -- are necessary. Actually I do have some strings, but the same string seems to ALWAYS break. So, I have several packs of strings with that particular string missing because I've had to use them other times in which I've broke strings. It's like having all the ingrediants to your favorite food...and then finding that -- oops -- you are missing one small thing that makes all the difference so now you can't make it. Frustrating... What else am I to do when tornadoes, rain, and tennis ball sized hail is headed my direction? I guess I'll find a book or something...

And just in case you're wondering, I did eat sugar today. For some understanding on the topic, read my previous blog entry. I happily ate 5 small peanut buttery chocolate superman candies that my student brought me as an early valentine. Isn't that "sweet!"

OUCH

I am in pain. I think every muscle in my body is hurting. Kickboxing is my new friend. It's a love/hate relationship that is bitter sweet. Erin has been trying to get me to go for months. I finally gave in when she got rid of her 50th pound...yes, she has lost 50 pounds. Now that I've gone for 3 weeks, I can understand why. I almost died tonight. I really almost just dropped over dead. The worst part is when Gretchen, our teacher, says, "Get ready for burnout." As if I'm not already burned out and exausted... it's a killer of a class. I just tell myself if I can keep breathing it will be ok.

I'm also trying to lay off sugar. Now that's a whole other issue. Chocolate is always, always in my house and close by. If you know me well at all you know that it is practically a part of my identity. The only thing that stops me from eating it uncontrollably on a daily basis is the fact that I get migraines if I eat too much of it. It's actually probably a blessing. Those are not fun and I can't function when I get one, but it atleast sets some boundaries to my addiction. I have to admit that some chocolate desserts I have had are worth a migraine. For example, the warm chocolate cake at Red Lobster with the gooey hot fudge in the middle topped with vanilla icecream and hot fudge. Now that is worth a migraine. I always feel better about it when I get salmon and veggies before, which is very healthy. That is so ridiculous, isn't it? I'm trying to change my ways though. I think the only time I've gone without sugar for a few days was when I was in Honduras. The only reason I did was because I had none, not because I withheld my cravings. I lost a lot of weight on that trip. So today I awoke feeling strong and I decided I was NOT going to have sugar no matter what. It would be a real test because a valentine activity I did with my kindergarteners involved chocolate kisses. Of course I had extras left over after handing them out and they were laying there on my desk all day as I stared at them often longing to unwrap that foil and indulge myself in several. Lunch time came and I had not given in. Planning came and I had not given in. School was over and I had not given in. It was such a big deal that Lisa, who works next to me, even knew about it and it was a matter of discussion throughout the day. I was feeling very proud...then it happened. Another teacher, who is known for bringing the most delicious cookies in the world to school, walked into the room. He stood there holding a ziplock bag full of huge soft cookies with everything chocolatey imaginable in them. I sighed as I knew what was about to happen. He handed them to me and without hesitation I took one and ate it with no regrets whatsoever. Lisa got the rest of the cookies in the bag. She ate some and then wanted me to eat the last one. Being the good friend that I am, I did her a favor and ate the last one. Oh well...I guess tomorrow is another day.

Random Pictures

Random? Yes! I've posted several random pictures...I'm bored on a Friday night, so why not.

Here I am during my 4th year on the earth! It's the first day of Preschool! Is that exciting, or what?!

And these are my dogs Otis and Sugar...adorable!

This is the smallest fish I've ever caught...sad, I know. But I still beat you, Donovan.

Sea of Galilee in early morning:

Jerusalem:

Honduras:

Honduras again:

Colorado:

Colorado again:

The sky above an OU game one day... :)

Spiritual Lessons I've Learned from Kindergarten

Being around kids all day has given me a better perspective on God's view of our lives and how we all, in a sense, are just a bunch of kids in this huge plan of God's. I have a few thoughts about it. Here they are...

1. One goal in Kindergarten is that the children would be able to write and identify their first and last names. It is also God's desire that we grow in our identity as His child. That our true identity, or "name" is not in how others perceive us, what they think of us, or how we look to others. It's in how He views us. He wants us to learn our names.

2. Recess is a must in Kindergarten. Although teachers can (and should) make learning fun for 5 and 6 year olds, recess is a necessity. God gives us recess too. It's also a necessity. Although He desires all of our hearts and devotion, He isn't as serious as some may think. He likes us to have fun and wants us to take a break from the "serious" and often burdensome religiuos yoke that we often put on ourselves that isn't from Him. He wants to play with us on the playground.

3. As a Kindergarten teacher, I always have to be planning ahead and know what I'm going to teach them next. God always knows the areas He wants us to grow in next. He plans our seasons, days, and times accordingly and knows the exact circumstances to allow in our lives that will produce growth and maturity. He is great at lesson plans.

4. Kids don't always get along. God will use relational problems with others to show us about ourselves. Often He will purposely put a certain kind of person in our lives that rubs us the wrong way. He knows the exact situation that will cause our hearts to grow up. Learning forgiveness and resisting the temptation to be bitter and resentful is one of the basic lessons that we must learn.

5. A teacher must know about the age group they are teaching to have successful students. Lessons must be developmentally appropriate for the age and not be too difficult or too easy. The testing and trials He allows in our lives are timed perfectly with much purpose and thought. It's for our good so we will be ready for "first grade." They are at the perfect level -- both challenging and achievable. Yet, He is always with us and never leaves us during any of it.

6. Every child needs their own "space" to call their own in Kindergarten. It gives them ownership and makes them feel in control. In my room, we have cubbies. In God's big heart, there is room enough for everyone. Not only that, but there is a spot, or space, for each of us individually with our names on it. In that place in God's heart, He sees and knows everything about us. We can call it our own. We can take ownership of our place in God's heart and be confident that He has made that place for us.

7. Positive discipline works best with kids. It's easier said then done sometimes, but kids really do respond better when the authority in their life is positive. God's philosophy is positive discipline. He sees the areas we are weak in and He knows our sin fully. Yet, He changes us through a process of patience and love. He speaks kind words over us, which motivates us to change. His leadership is so different than anyone's on the earth. He is different than the "mean teacher" that many of us are used to.

8. Most Kindergarteners can't write. Therefore, art becomes their "writing." At the beginning of the year, a lot of my kids were simply scribbling and I had no idea what their picture was about unless they told me. God loves the scribbles. He not only loves them, He tapes them up on His wall. He loves it when He sees us trying and takes delight in the fact that we know we can't measure up or meet the standard, but we're giving Him our all anyways. Our scribbles are on His fridge, for sure.

9. The best teachers are those who give the children control and don't control the children. This is done by giving them choices and making them feel like they are in control. God is not controlling. He gives us the choice to love Him and to serve Him. He also knows the desires of our heart and what we like best. And sometimes He will give us both choices just because He is so nice.

10. I can't think of another, but for some reason it bugs me to keep it at 9 and not 10. So there ya go!

The Never-ending Job of Dusting...

Growing up, I loved allowance day. I didn't really love the things I had to do to get my allowance, but it sure payed off when I received my "paycheck." I was the youngest, so when it came to cleaning house, I didn't get to choose the job I did. I got stuck with the job(s) that no one else wanted...which was always cleaning the bathroom (hated it...) and dusting (hated it too...). To me it was not fair that one of my sister did the dishes and the other vaccumed. Those were so easy compared to my very very tough jobs that I inherited. I often fussed about it. As you can probably guess, it didn't change anything. I was stuck with the job and there was nothing that could change it. I had issues with these jobs. Bathrooms are just...well...bathrooms. Gross. And with dusting, I hated having to move everything. I must confess that most of the time I just dusted around it all. :)

Growing up in an AZ copper mining town, dust was a huge problem. We lived a few miles away from the actual town where we went to school. Our house was much closer to the mine than the houses in town, so the dust was a much worse problem for us and our neighbors. Here is the picture of our mine...you must be very very interested at this point! It is oh so beautiful!

I remember thinking as I faithfully dusted each week, "I don't know why I'm doing this..it's just going to be dusty again in a few hours....it's pointless." Yes, I grumbled about it often. Now that I think back, I wonder how much dirt was in my lungs from living there for so many years... it can't be worse than smoking though, right?

When I read the verse in Isaiah 52:2 "Shake off your dust; rise up..." certain thoughts of dust fill my mind. I am very familiar with it! I am an expert at dusting! But what I am not an expert at yet, is shaking and cleaning the dust off of my own heart. I think there will always be times and seasons where we don't feel as close to the Lord as we want to and our intimacy with the Lord seems to have become a bit dusty. Whether it's because of discouragement, busyness, or just plain boredom, I think we can all say that we have experienced the season of having a "dusty" heart. The scripture does not condemn us, but it does tell us what to do in that season. Shake it off! Rise up! We may be in a place where we feel far away (of which there is nothing worse), but we don't have to stay there. We can choose to shake it off by doing spiritual disciplines even when it's the last thing we want to do. It may not change in an hour or a day, but sooner or later, our hearts will begin to be in that close place with the Lord again that it once was.

Sometimes, just like when I was younger, I don't like dusting. It's a different kind of dusting (although I DO dust my house still), but it still requires a constant watching over our hearts and making sure the dust doesn't pile up too high. But if it does, you don't have to be condemned -- just shake it off, rise up, and just keep going no matter what life throws at you... Besides that, we aren't dusting for nothing! We have a wonderful allowance and inheritance that is awaiting us...Jesus -- whose reward is getting to spend eternity with us.

For Sherri (continued from blog below)

I am posting this short blog since after reading my previous one, my sister Sherri wanted to defend herself as to why she didn't want to sleep with me when I was so afraid of the dark. Yes, it's true...I threw up on her favorite panda bear, Pete, in the middle of the night when she was so kind to let her little sister sleep with her. So now the readers will understand as to one reason why Sherri was cautious... and now she will be saved from being labeled as a cruel sister. That's for you, Sherbear. You are such a nice sister...despite throwing the hair dryer at me, launching a 3 foot stick at my head while riding a bike, and refusing to teach me how to drive your awesome new green truck back in 1997(I still have yet to learn stick shift). Thanks for reminding me of the throw-up incident. It adds a whole new element to my blog!

Memories of Singing in the Dark

As a child, I was one of those kids that hated the dark...I was so scared that a monster would be in my closet, the boogy man was coming to get me, and all the other things that so often torture little hearts at night! My two older sisters were quite the opposite. They were so much stronger than me and so NOT afraid! I wished that I could be like them, but I was not. So on most nights I would beg and plead for one of my sisters to sleep with me! I hated being in that dark room all alone and it sure would bring peace to my little heart if someone else would be with me in the dark! I'm sure after pestering them for awhile, they grew so sick of me asking that I finally got the hint that I would have to face my fears alone...another dark night alone with the boogy man!!! My mom tried all kinds of things. She would sit by my bed until I fell asleep and pray with me. The problem was, I didn't want to fall asleep because I knew that the moment I did, she would leave! I never told her that, but I remember feeling it. She even tried to play a book on tape children's story for me. Nothing seemed to do the trick. I don't remember how I started doing it, but I finally found one thing that seemed to bring peace to my heart. One night I decided I would sing. I didn't know any songs other than the ones I knew from church, so I just sang those.

Now for those who don't know, I have a long history of singing. And if you know it, you're probably laughing by now because it's not the kind of history you might think. My sisters were the singers. I was not. But because it looked cuter if all of us were up there on the stage singing, we all sang together. I seriously hated it. It's not that my mom forced me to, I just kind of went along with flow...like it was the right thing to do, even though I knew it was not my thing. Needless to say, I never sang alone because I...well...could not sing! I have videos of us singing at church that my mom would take. There is one particular video that stands out to me that makes me chuckle. The video consists of my older sister elbowing me angrilly as I accidently started to sing her solo part of the song. That was the story of my life...I was the sister that could not sing, would forget lines, sing the wrong parts, and always seemed to mess up the Isaacs sisters performances!

Anyways, singing became the key ingrediant of fixing my fear of the boogy man. During those years, I for the first time began to sense the presence of Jesus that took away my fears, calmed my heart, and brought peace even to my young frail heart. My family soon moved to another home where I would share a room with my sister Sherri. This kind of messed up my routine of singing...she, like any other normal human being, didn't like my singing and asked me to stop so she could sleep. I'm sure I would have done the same thing! So, from that point on, my singing stopped!

Also for those of you who may not know (probably all of you do), I am originally from Arizona and my dad is an Okie. Therefore, I came to Oklahoma for college since my extended family lived here. I was never musical in highschool. I never had the desire to sing or to play an instrument. Again, that sort of thing belonged to my oldest sister, Cristy, who happens to be an incredible pianist and singer (and Sherri can sing also). I just never wanted anything to do with it. But in college I had several cousins that were in a band and would teach lessons to anyone who wanted to. Little did I know what the Lord had planned. So, I began to learn a few instruments. Over a few years time, I could play the bass, guitar, drums, and tad bit of piano. I wan't at all what some would consider "good," but I could play a few songs and had pretty decent rhythm. Singing was not a part of the picture though.

In 2002 (I think), our college ministry invited some friends from Kansas City to come down for a week and teach us the form of prayer and worship that the Lord had birthed in their community. Some of you may know it as "Harp and Bowl." It's basically prayer mixed in with worship. Anyways, we were excited for our friends to come and train us some on the subject. I remember so distinctly sitting on that stage in Lifehouse with a mic in front of me feeling pure fear when they asked us to sing. My thoughts were, "I am NOT a singer. I can play guitar...or something else...but don't ask me to sing, please." Well, we all sang. I'm sure it wasn't beautiful or wonderful, but the goal was to get us to sing, not so much to sing beautifully. That day seemed to birth something on the inside of me. From that point on, I began to take my guitar in my room and practiced singing.

One day the Lord began to remind me of the days when I was little and how I would sing to Him in my room. I felt an invitation from Him again...I felt Him ask me, "Marci, will you sing to me again, like you did when you were little?" I was obviously very moved in that moment as I looked back and realized the stigma that had been placed on me as the "one who could not sing." It wasn't that others would necessarily say it about me, it was more of how I veiwed myself. Yet, Jesus was inviting and wanting to awaken that part of me again that had been dead for so long. And even though I am now a singer (though definately not anything special or unique), I know the Lord had to have loved those early days in that dark room when I poured my weak, scared, little heart out to Him and He met me there. And even now singing still does wonders to my heart...calming my fears, bringing peace, and letting God's presence touch my still, weak, little, and frail heart when the darkness, confusion, doubt, or fear seems to be surrounding me. Little did I know that the Lord had me in training even back then and that He was giving me a key ingredient as to what would bring me strength and courage on the earth. And I have a feeling when I stand before Him in eternity and I get to talk to Him about it, I think He will say His favorite time was when I was alone in that dark room and I sang to Him for the first time.

Making Our Hearts His Home

I love vacations, but there is nothing like coming home to my own home, sleeping in my own bed, using my own shower, and eating from my own kitchen (unless it's my mom's mexican food). There is something about being at home that calms our hearts and causes us to feel at rest. Although there are many people's homes I feel perfectly comfortable in, it just can never be home.

I have been thinking a lot about how God is wanting our hearts to be His "home." In John 14 (or 15 or 13...I can't remember) it says to those who love Jesus that the Father promises to love them also. Not only that, but it says that they will come and make their home in our hearts. I've been thinking about the incredibleness (that isn't a real word, is it?) of what Jesus is saying in this verse. He doesn't want to just come and visit us...He doesn't want our hearts to be a place where He packs His bags (so to speak) and stays awhile to enjoy us. HE WANTS TO MOVE IN!!! And He never wants to leave.

Is it really true that God is looking for a home? He obviously has everything He needs...He is God! Yet, He must long for a home if it's His goal that our hearts would be His home. Even when Jesus is on the earth, He said that foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but He didn't have any place to lay His head. Our hearts can be a place of rest for the Lord. It can be His habitation -- His home. How loved He must have felt at His friends houses, such as Lazarus, Mary, and Martha. Yet, He says He didn't have a real place of rest that He could lay His head.


In my first year of college, I lived with 5 girls. I know...that was basically insane!! We obviously had to make some adjustments as to how we lived. Sometimes we had to make room for someone elses stuff, change our plans to suit someone elses, etc. It is true with any person who has a roommate that they have to "make room" for the other person to live with them. They no longer make decisions alone or pay bills by themselves...there is someone else involved in keeping the house clean, paying the bills, etc. It is the same with Jesus. He wants to partner with us on the earth. He wants to live with us. He wants to do everything with us. He wants to have fun with us, go to work with us, go through times of pain with us, and give us sweet moments of His love throughout it all. It takes some adjustments in our lives for the Lord to have that kind of intimacy in our lives. It is the difference between a good relationship with Him and an excellent one. I'm not talking about Jesus coming into our hearts for the first time through salvation. I'm talking about the kind of relationship that Moses had with Him -- where God can look at someone and say that they are His friend. Yes -- God can be friends with humans. That's exciting! Yet, there are adjustments we must make to be able to walk with God this way. It doesn't just happen. God likes to be pursued. He blesses the heart that hungers for Him.

From the moment Jesus entered into this earthly human realm, there was never room for Him. Even when Mary was about to give birth to Him, there was no room in the inn for Him. I question myself now...Lord, is there room in my heart for you? Have I opened the door of my heart to you...not just for a short visit or vacation, but have you moved in? Do you feel at home in me? Is my heart at rest enough to where you can lay your head down and relax? Can you be yourself in me? Have you made my heart your habitation? There are certain people in my life that when we are together, we can be comepletely quiet and it is ok. There is not the need to say something...there is not the akward feeling of "now what do I say?" It's just easy being around them and silence is ok. Is it that way with You, God? Can I enter into the rest of your heart and not have to say a word? Is it akward for me to just sit in silence with You? Is it ok if I just lean on you for a moment and not have to say a word, but just be with you? His answer is YES! Because that's the kind of place He is looking for. He wants a place of rest, of peace, of quietness. His heart is that way, and He can teach us to have that kind of heart also.

The Lord has given us so much...yet, at times (because of our weakness), we forget that we too fill something in His heart. His heart is ravished over us. Oh how He longs to make His home in us...to teach us about quietness and rest and leaning into Him. He is patient with us and offers us the promise that He will teach us about what He is like. The only thing we must do is found in the verse, "COME all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Put my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." He will be our teacher...and oh what a gentle and humble one He is. The only thing we must do is to come... and then learn from Him.

The Privilage of Talking to God

I was just thinking tonight about the simplicity of prayer and how it is a divine privilage that we are able to talk with God. And that is what prayer boils down to...we get to talk to God! The fact that He is distracted in a loving way with weak human beings and wants us to talk to Him is so overwhelming. It's especially true when we are aware of our own weakness and also aware of His pure heart in love and friendship...He knows us so intimately and yet loves us the same through every time of doubt, confusion, or pain. It's amazing, really, that we individually have a straight line to the throne room of God and He awaits the time we choose to spend with Him as any good friend awaits the time spent with someone they like. How beautiful His creation is...the mountains in their splendor, the oceans and their seemingly unendingness that brings peace to any heart watching, the stars in their majesty... , but instead of all of His beauty in nature, His heart is after us. Reminds me of the psalmist's words (and I paraphrase) "What is it about us that you pay attention to us, that you even look upon us, Lord?" We surely don't see ourselves through His eyes. We are so privilaged to speak with Him, to sense His presence upon our hearts, and to know His closeness.

Connecting my Words to My Heart...Learning to Love Sincerely

The last few weeks I can't seem to shake the fact of how insincere our world is, how insincere our friendships are at times, and frankly, how incredibly insincere my heart is at times. Not only is this true of my relationship with others, but it's true of my relationship with the lover of my heart, Jesus. I find myself at times doing spiritual things with no life on the inside. What frustration there is to know that I am merely being a busy body with no sense of real life on the inside for the things I am doing. Although I'm not to the point of drowning in my condemnation, I believe it's a healthy perspective and an invitation to have my heart awakened and brought out of a state of slumber. It's so the Lord's kindness to show us the reality of our hearts...not so we can stay in depression over the fact that we are lacking, but that He is truly pursuing and calling us into a deeper, more heart felt relationship with Him. He wants us!! Life changes from merely doing things out of habit or ritual, to being alive on the inside and being energized by love. I like life much better this way and I hate it the other way. Yuck. I would quit it all if that's what it was all about...just being a busy body for God is not going to cut it for me. Yet, I find myself being one more often than I want.

Romans 12:9 states, "Love MUST be sincere." The essence of what love is travels around the word sincerity. Love can't be love without sincerity. Websters gives us a look into the word more so we can digest it better. It defines it as, "pure, unmixed, unadulterated, whole, perfect, being in reality what it appears to be; having a character which corresponds with the appearance; not falsely assumed; genuine; true; real; Honest; free from hypocrisy or dissimulation; as, a sincere friend; a sincere person." I love those definitions! I especially like "having a character which corresponds with the appearance." So when you are sincere, what you do and say on the outside is an exact representation of what is happening on the inside of you. There aren't two different streams flowing from your life.

We so easily just blurt out words, even loving words, to others. But many times they are not sincere...they are merely sounds coming out of our mouths with no attachment from our hearts. So that's all it ends up as -- sounds coming from our mouths. But the words that come from a heart that is sincere...his/her words have power because it is coming from a heart that is alive and sincere. That's why when the person that truly loves you says, "I love you" it touches your heart (or stirs your emotions). But when the person that doesn't really mean it, that speaks from a shallowness, says the same exact words, it doesn't touch your heart. So we can safely say, if you speak from your heart sincerely, it will touch others hearts and cause love to be stirred on the inside of others. Love must be sincere. It can't be love without sincerity.

Do you know the power of sincere honest words to a heart? Our hearts are filled with disappointment after dissapointment of the same story over and over...I thought they loved me. It happens over and over again until we finally give up the search for real love. It could be a wound from a parent, a spouse, a friend, a minister, etc. Often we ourselves have hurt others. Maybe not even purposely, but just because we are human. The fact that we are ALL looking for the same thing should point us to Jesus. The one thing that is true of every human is the fact that we are all looking for love. We crave it and many times fill it with things that only satisfy us for a short time. It's like going around the same mountain over and over again. The answer is to not lock ourselves in a room for the rest of our lives so we don't sin.
We must change our view of who God is. He is not our master...He is our lover. When one touches the essence of who Jesus is, everything changes. It's like coming home. It's like finding a safe place for the first time. It's like unveiling our hearts before someone who we can finally trust. It's like sitting on the lap of a safe Daddy who cares for us. It's like laughing for the first time and being found.

It's like being held for the first time by the most tender, gentle, loving hands that knows the feeling of pain, understands our frailty, and whose rewards is in the fact that He can have us. It's like being wanted for the first time. Being known for the first time. It is love to the fullest measure and our hearts can't contain or hold it all. There is nothing like being close to Him and it will ruin you forever once you get even the slightest touch from Him or hear His sweet voice that calms every loud storm around you. He loves amazingly and we don't even know the beginning of it.

What really blows my mind is when I think about how sincere the heart of Jesus must be. He says nothing without His heart being attached to His words. As Psalms 45 says, His words are "annonited with grace." His heart is alive in love. Whoever hears His words are stirred with love because He speaks honestly, with truth and sincerity, which touches our hearts and stirs our emotions. The invitation that He gives us is an invitation of the heart. It's not an invitation for busy bodies. It's an invitation for the heart. To love Him sincerely, to speak honestly to Him, to be one with Him in Spirit and love! Oh what incredible fellowship awaits the person that has a sincere heart...whose words are always attached to their hearts...who speaks honestly to their God! A powerful stream of love flows from that kind of heart. How it must move the heart of God when words come forth from it to Him. Sincere friendships are the one of the most beautiful gifts God can give us on the earth. Oh that our hearts would be free to love each other sincerely -- that our words would always be attached to our hearts -- being a reflection of God's love to one another in a world of insincerity and disilutionment in the area of love. Love. It is the gift of God to us. It is God!

We no longer have to ask the question..."He loves me...He loves me not." We can know.