Wise in His Eyes

Some say life gets easier when you get older. I agree that one usually gets wiser with age, but I think there are other aspects to getting older that aren't as great. Not that I'm old (go ahead, agree with me that I'm not old), but I am experiencing the last 8 months of my life in my 20's! I used to wonder what I would be doing right now. No more wondering!

In coming upon my 30th year of life, there is an urgency on the inside of me. The feeling is that I have maybe 30 or 40 years left. If I live the average amount of years of a human, I have possibly lived half of my life on the earth up to this point. I have one chance, one lifetime, one 70ish year span full of choices and decisions that will affect me personally forever. I hope this urgency that I feel today will still be on the inside of me when I'm experiencing the last 8 months of my 30s, the last 8 months in my 40s, the last eight months in my 50s, and so on. It is not an urgency of striving in my own ability to please God (I've had to learn this the hard way...I am the Queen of striving in my own strength), it is an urgency of desiring to please Him in EVERYTHING that I do - big or small. It is an urgency to live a life under the Lord's definition of wisdom. That I would lay aside the culture of my day and I would begin to live out the things that are important to His heart no matter the cost of my reputation or loss.

There is a hope in knowing that these 70 or so years are not the end-- that I am not just waisting my life in wondering hopelessly. There is indeed a great hope knowing it's just the beginning and that my choices in life right now are more important than I realize. One without the urgency and hope of something better than this is left with life's disappointments and wieghed down with the hopelessness of what this life alone has to offer. There will be a time when all the wrong things will be made right and when justice will shine like the sun. There is a time when we won't even know the feeling of depression, loneliness, fear, or worry. Our hearts weren't made to carry such things, but there will be a time when the wrong things will be made right and we will know Him who carried our sorrows and sufferings. In that moment every tear will be wiped away, every bad memory will disappear, every sorrow will leave in the presence of the one who carried our hurts. In one moment His love will heal us.

So, in the light of that, I want to live a life that is wise before the Lord. Though it may be uncomfortable now, I know He is wanting to teach us to live for what is coming - not for our temporary wants and comforts. Help us, Lord. Give us an eternal perspective that will carry us through the coming years with hearts that are not offended. May we live with the truth that every day is important to Him - every moment counts before the Lord.

No Record of Wrongs

"Making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice..." Speaking of lists, Jesus doesn't make one. Sounds kind of silly, but in all seriousness, the thought became a reality to me this morning as I sat by my 9' sparkling Christmas tree. I almost typed "beautiful sparkling Christmas tree," but the angel on the top is crooked. I refuse to get the ladder out of the garage again. It's not going to happen. I suppose a crooked angel can still be beautiful. That's a lesson in and of itself. :) Let me rephrase my sentence, "the thought became a reality as I sat by my 9' beautiful, sparkling Christmas tree this morning." I'm glad Santa is not the Savior. I would be in such trouble with his list!

While reading about the definition of love in Corinthians, the phrase that stuck out to me most was, "love keeps no record of wrongs." It is both amazing and refreshing that Jesus is different than the rest of us who struggle with not keeping a list of wrongs about one another and/or ourselves. Jesus is a serious refreshment to my soul. I'm talking about the real, intimate friend, Jesus who loves so differently, sees me so uniquely, speaks about me tenderly, defines me so differently, loves so unconditionally, thinks about me constantly, and is nothing but encouraging. If only my heart remembered all of those things. Unfortunately I have a tendency to forget reality when other things creap in and steal the truth that was once ruling on the inside of me. This year, I want to take my list I make so often of my wrongs, throw the darn thing in the fireplace, and watch it burn. Oh that our hearts would truly be rooted and grounded in His love - that what others think or feel about us would not matter and that we would walk as Ones who are confident in the fact that we are immensely and passionately cared for, believed in, and seen.

It is a fact. Jesus doesn't make a list. He doesn't check it twice. I want to be like Him. Open our hearts Lord to hear your voice, to taste of your goodness, to believe in the truth of how you feel, to grasp your tender affection towards us, and to carry it to another. He gives hope to the hopeless. He is my hope.