Mistakes

There is nothing like the feeling of knowing you have peace with God. To know His heart and how He feels about us shatters every fear that hides in the shadows of our hearts. I don't know about you, but fear seems to be something that I struggle with often. I was listening to someone speak on fear the other day. He was saying that for a long time His motive in loving Jesus was one of fear. He thought if He could show God how devoted He was and that his devotion was one that was unique among anyone else, that He would somehow accept Him. It was basically a fear that He would not be pleasing to God. Therefore, He was trying to measure up by being extra devoted to the things that are important to God. I've been there before and it is the most tiring thing anyone can ever try to do. Other people take it the complete opposite direction. Because of their fear of not measuring up, they give up and quit trying all together. I mean, they are never going to be perfect enough, so why keep trying.

The good thing is that we don't have to try and measure up. The good news is that we can stop striving and start accepting His love for us right now where we are at in our weakness, quirkiness, and screw-ups. The biggest lessons I have learned in life are from my mistakes. He likes to take our mistakes, and instead of getting in our faces and condemning us, He will take them and make them into something beautiful that we can look back on and see His love even in the midst of it. Is that not all of our stories anyways? Let's face it, we are all disfunctional to some extent. God LOVES disfunctional people like you and I. He not only loves us, He wants us. He is patient with us, gentle with us, and looks past our weakness more than we realize. His words flow from a tender heart that sees the best in us, not the worst, which is what we tend to focus on.

I love this scripture: "Give thanks to the Father who has qualified you..." Colossians 1:12. If you are someone who has made a lot of mistakes in your life, you are qualified. That is the very thing that qualifies you to be loved by God. Mistakes are the very thing that gives us the opportunity to experience Jesus' compassion and love. Mistakes are mistakes, but they can be the best thing that ever happen to us if we let God in to those places of shame, fear, and guilt. It feels good to have peace with God, to know that because of Him we are qualified. Be encouraged. You are very important to Him.

Clown Picture

Here it is!

Only one boy wouldn't walk into the room when he saw me. His excuse was, "My teacher is not here today!" Other than that, it was well worth the effort to see my kids loving the clown outfit!

I Survived

I survived Halloween at school. Pictures coming soon! And stories!

Encounter with a Banana Peel

This is very random, but I was telling a friend this the other day and I think it's blog worthy. You'll get a good laugh out of it anyways.

I was having my normal ice cream craving, so I decided to drive to Rusty's Frozen Custard to get a chocolate custard with chunks of Reese's cup and peanut butter swirled in it (oh my, it's good). I got out of my car and began to walk on the sidewalk. Before I knew it, I had fallen right on my behind! I looked to figure out how I had fallen. My eyes beheld a banana peel. Now is that classic, or what? It doesn't only happen in the cartoons!

Refreshed

I just went for the most wonderful walk around this lake across the street from my housing development:



Besides dodging duck poop and blocking out the loud hammering from the workers on a roof (of whom were spanish speaking and I was trying to understand them and was failing), I am feeling much more refreshed after a very long week! But isn't that what life is all about - dodging things that could make a mess, blocking out things that would be distracting, stop trying to understand everything, and all along trying to remain quiet and restful in the Lord on the inside! Easier said than done sometimes. Just goes to show you that we can learn a lesson from anything!

Anyways, I feel much better now. A Dr. couldn't have perscribed anything better! It was definately medicine for my soul!

Fuji Apples

Snack time in Kindergarten is very very important. We might skip Math one day and the kids won't mind. We might skip writing and they wouldn't really complain. We better not EVER EVER skip snack. I would be in big trouble!
Several things happen every day during snack. We have a good routine going for us. The kids sit on the carpet. One child gives Germ-X out while I get the snacks ready. One thing I hear on a daily basis is, "What? You brought ANOTHER fuji apple for snack, Ms. Isaacs?" This statement has been being said by my kids since the beginning of September. You would think that maybe they would realize that yes...I have brought an apple (not just any apple, it must be fuji) and yes...I will always bring an apple and yes...that's old news. But no! It's MAJOR news every single day!! It's quite funny as I ask them, "Hey - can you guess what I brought for snack today?" I open up my mini fridge as they all yell out, "A FUJI APPLE!" And I say, "How did you know that?" It's followed by a big uproar of "you always do" and "because we just know."
What can I say? Fuji apples are the best!

You know it's Fall when...

...Your dog, Sugar, eats leaves that have accumulated beside your front door and then hacks for the next 10 minutes. It's a yearly occurance... oh the signs of the seasons!
Here is Sugar and my other dog, Otis! Truly adorable little creatures. Otis just stares at her in wonder while she hacks away!

Mom's Fake Plant Turns Real

My mom had surgery a few days ago on her parathyroid. It ended up being a much more difficult surgery than expected when they found out that the parathyroid was buried in the thyroid. She has had a problem with her heart the last 20 years causing her heart rate to increase to a dangerous speed. Since they had to deal with her thyroid, this caused her heart to increase to 169 for two hours after surgery. She was released the next day after giving her some meds that caused her heart to be normal. She is still having some problems with the fast heart rate, but is at home and recovering well.

Here is a funny story that kind of brightened the situation. I wanted to get her a plant to take to the hospital...roses are pretty, but they don't last. She has several plants at home, so I knew she would like a plant better than roses. The gift shop had one plant left, so that's the one I bought. Going up the elevator to her room, I realized the plant was fake as I looked at the straw in the bottom of the pot. I was very frustrated and embarrased as I took my mom a fake plant. Of course she didn't care and said she would still use it. My dad looked at it and swore the plant was real. We just kind of laughed at him and said there was no way the plant could be real with straw at the bottom. Besides that, it really did look plastic. Yesterday my mom called me before school and said the fake plant I got her was now wilted and really needed water. There really was dirt in the bottom past all of that straw. It was pretty funny...and I felt better I didn't get my mom a fake plant! :)

Learning to Love the Desert

Well, this is a record. My 3rd blog in one day and it's only 1:30 in the afternoon. I haven't written anything in over a month and I write three in one day. I guess there isn't a lot to do but rest when you are sick. And blog.

Wanted to write a few more thoughts on having a longing heart. I do think that a longing heart comes from the Lord and that we will never fully be satisfied on this earth until He comes again. Jesus Himself has a longing heart. He longs for us, for our whole hearts to be given to Him. There are times where He comes so powerfully as if I could see Him with my own eyes. Then there are seasons that causes me to think He is distant. I know He is not, but because of my own heart that is prone to distraction, I lose a bit of the closeness that I had at one point with Him. It is because of this that the longing comes. It is what I CAN have with God and what IS available to me in God that brings a great frustration because I see such lack in my own life. It is like I am eating crumbs from a table when I could be feasting at the table with Him. There is more that I can have of Him, it's just I choose such lesser things so many times. I don't realize it until a week, a month, or a year later that I have just wasted so much on...well...things that don't have much significance in the light of eternity.

I guess it is true then that our unsatisfaction and hunger for God is God Himself working and wooing us to draw near to Him and say yes to Him again. To rise up out of our comfort zone and seek Him with fresh fervency knowing that what we do is not in vain. How foolish it looks to spend our days on the earth seeking Him, but how wise it is in His eyes and in the eyes of eternity. I once thought life was about perfect consistancy with Him. I am now learning life is about saying yes numerous times and starting over again and again. That's the beauty of grace, of mercy, and the heart of Jesus that invites every weak person to drink deeply of His heart of love. I love His heart for us and wish I had a deeper understanding of it in my own life. It is a mystery that our hearts will always be trying to grasp!

One thing I am learning is that God delights in brokeness and humility. In the process of Him making me more this way, I find I question what He is doing and have a great way to go as far as understanding His ways and how He works in my life. I have to watch myself from accusing Him and questioning His decisions about my life only to find that I am still in need of such a transformation. If only I could be empty of all my fears, doubts, and accusations!! If only I could trust better, believe more, and have more courage. I wish I loved and saw the wisdom in it, but maybe by the time I am 90, I will learn to love the desert season. I want to understand His heart in the middle of it better.

Search for the One my Heart Loves

I love the different seasons...especially in Oklahoma! When living in Arizona, the seasons weren't all that different. Yes, it was a little colder/hotter, but nothing compared to the changes that occur here. The desert doesn't change much in different seasons! I love the leaves changing colors. I think it reflects the beauty and joy of God's delight in creating each season so differently.

In the Summer, I often long for Fall's arrival. In the Winter, I often am ready for Spring. Summer gets very uncomfortable when it's 100 degrees outside and I have to do recess duty. Winter also has it's downsides (ice, etc.). The truth is, every season is beautiful in it's own way, but often we long for the season that is coming next. That is the season I am in personally - one of waiting and longing. When it's Winter time, I often think of Summer and how nice it would be to throw on my flip flops and go for a walk. In seasons of waiting and searching, remembering can be our strength. I cling to the times that the Lord has showed up, spoken loudly, and confirmed clearly. I trust in the times He has come through and proved faithful with His promises. I lean into Him when I feel weak, when I don't really know the answers, and when I can't see what's coming. In every season, I know He calls us to one thing - rest and peace in Him. I am assured that when my heart is quieted before Him He will carry me to that place of perfect peace in Him. And even if I don't sense it, I still trust knowing that it's just a season, just a part of the big picture, just a moment in time that will soon be written off as a yesterday.

"...I will search for the one my heart loves." Song of Solomon 3:2

I am in a season of restlessness. I want to be closer to Him, to hear His voice, to feel His embrace on my heart. I wonder if the restlessness is from God in the sense that He is drawing me out of a comfortable place and wanting me to search for Him, to look for Him, and to really run after Him. I want to stay in the place of intimacy with Him. I hate being busy! It is time to search for the One my heart loves, to give Him more of my time, and to reset my priorities.

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise...and Christ will shine on You." Eph 5:14

When God Looks at Me

I cried when I went to the Dr. last week. Not because I was sick...but because I got weighed. How embarrasing is that, right? I know I had gained some, but I was shocked as I looked on the scales. It was followed by a deep sigh, a few tears, and text to a friend stating, "I'm so sad. I weigh *** pounds." It's true, I struggle with my image a lot. It seems to be worse at times and the last few weeks has been one of the worst times yet. I know the Lord is wanting to break this in my life, but it just seems to have a deep hook in me that I can't seem to shake. I'm getting older, the matabalism is slowing down, and my life is the busiest it has ever been. Exercise is hard to work into the schedule when you have been sick and need to rest, but have no time to. Therefore, you just remain sick or even get sicker. Anyways, the Doc gave me a few ideas of how to lose my 25 extra pounds I've befriended.

This morning I realized what I need as I sat in my living room and snuggled with my dog, Sugar. Speaking of sugar, I need to stop eating it. But that's not what my greatest need is. My greatest need is not to add exercise into my routine, although that would be a good thing and I do plan on doing it when I get over being sick. This morning as I sat in the quietness of my living room I realized what I need most is to see God looking at me. I will never forget the first time I saw God looking at me. This morning I cried as I remembered. I won't go into detail, but I was changed when I discovered about how God felt about me and how He saw me. In that moment I saw how I viewed myself and it didn't measure up to God's thoughts about me. That moment changed me and it stands as one of the most powerful times I have had. It was like I was the most important person on the earth to God. I felt so loved, so important, and so cared for. Every fear of feeling overlooked, unnoticed, and unattrative seemed to disappear during that time. Today I realize I have gotten back into some of my old mindsets about who I am, what I look like, and how I am viewed. In the business of everything, I have allowed my heart to stop being fed on how God feels about me, which is really food for my soul.

I would rather be 25 pounds overweight and have a heart that believes in the truth of God's love and affection towards me than be perfectly in shape and living by the standards of what our culture calls beauty. In the long run, it really doesn't matter one bit.