For Sherri (continued from blog below)

I am posting this short blog since after reading my previous one, my sister Sherri wanted to defend herself as to why she didn't want to sleep with me when I was so afraid of the dark. Yes, it's true...I threw up on her favorite panda bear, Pete, in the middle of the night when she was so kind to let her little sister sleep with her. So now the readers will understand as to one reason why Sherri was cautious... and now she will be saved from being labeled as a cruel sister. That's for you, Sherbear. You are such a nice sister...despite throwing the hair dryer at me, launching a 3 foot stick at my head while riding a bike, and refusing to teach me how to drive your awesome new green truck back in 1997(I still have yet to learn stick shift). Thanks for reminding me of the throw-up incident. It adds a whole new element to my blog!

Memories of Singing in the Dark

As a child, I was one of those kids that hated the dark...I was so scared that a monster would be in my closet, the boogy man was coming to get me, and all the other things that so often torture little hearts at night! My two older sisters were quite the opposite. They were so much stronger than me and so NOT afraid! I wished that I could be like them, but I was not. So on most nights I would beg and plead for one of my sisters to sleep with me! I hated being in that dark room all alone and it sure would bring peace to my little heart if someone else would be with me in the dark! I'm sure after pestering them for awhile, they grew so sick of me asking that I finally got the hint that I would have to face my fears alone...another dark night alone with the boogy man!!! My mom tried all kinds of things. She would sit by my bed until I fell asleep and pray with me. The problem was, I didn't want to fall asleep because I knew that the moment I did, she would leave! I never told her that, but I remember feeling it. She even tried to play a book on tape children's story for me. Nothing seemed to do the trick. I don't remember how I started doing it, but I finally found one thing that seemed to bring peace to my heart. One night I decided I would sing. I didn't know any songs other than the ones I knew from church, so I just sang those.

Now for those who don't know, I have a long history of singing. And if you know it, you're probably laughing by now because it's not the kind of history you might think. My sisters were the singers. I was not. But because it looked cuter if all of us were up there on the stage singing, we all sang together. I seriously hated it. It's not that my mom forced me to, I just kind of went along with flow...like it was the right thing to do, even though I knew it was not my thing. Needless to say, I never sang alone because I...well...could not sing! I have videos of us singing at church that my mom would take. There is one particular video that stands out to me that makes me chuckle. The video consists of my older sister elbowing me angrilly as I accidently started to sing her solo part of the song. That was the story of my life...I was the sister that could not sing, would forget lines, sing the wrong parts, and always seemed to mess up the Isaacs sisters performances!

Anyways, singing became the key ingrediant of fixing my fear of the boogy man. During those years, I for the first time began to sense the presence of Jesus that took away my fears, calmed my heart, and brought peace even to my young frail heart. My family soon moved to another home where I would share a room with my sister Sherri. This kind of messed up my routine of singing...she, like any other normal human being, didn't like my singing and asked me to stop so she could sleep. I'm sure I would have done the same thing! So, from that point on, my singing stopped!

Also for those of you who may not know (probably all of you do), I am originally from Arizona and my dad is an Okie. Therefore, I came to Oklahoma for college since my extended family lived here. I was never musical in highschool. I never had the desire to sing or to play an instrument. Again, that sort of thing belonged to my oldest sister, Cristy, who happens to be an incredible pianist and singer (and Sherri can sing also). I just never wanted anything to do with it. But in college I had several cousins that were in a band and would teach lessons to anyone who wanted to. Little did I know what the Lord had planned. So, I began to learn a few instruments. Over a few years time, I could play the bass, guitar, drums, and tad bit of piano. I wan't at all what some would consider "good," but I could play a few songs and had pretty decent rhythm. Singing was not a part of the picture though.

In 2002 (I think), our college ministry invited some friends from Kansas City to come down for a week and teach us the form of prayer and worship that the Lord had birthed in their community. Some of you may know it as "Harp and Bowl." It's basically prayer mixed in with worship. Anyways, we were excited for our friends to come and train us some on the subject. I remember so distinctly sitting on that stage in Lifehouse with a mic in front of me feeling pure fear when they asked us to sing. My thoughts were, "I am NOT a singer. I can play guitar...or something else...but don't ask me to sing, please." Well, we all sang. I'm sure it wasn't beautiful or wonderful, but the goal was to get us to sing, not so much to sing beautifully. That day seemed to birth something on the inside of me. From that point on, I began to take my guitar in my room and practiced singing.

One day the Lord began to remind me of the days when I was little and how I would sing to Him in my room. I felt an invitation from Him again...I felt Him ask me, "Marci, will you sing to me again, like you did when you were little?" I was obviously very moved in that moment as I looked back and realized the stigma that had been placed on me as the "one who could not sing." It wasn't that others would necessarily say it about me, it was more of how I veiwed myself. Yet, Jesus was inviting and wanting to awaken that part of me again that had been dead for so long. And even though I am now a singer (though definately not anything special or unique), I know the Lord had to have loved those early days in that dark room when I poured my weak, scared, little heart out to Him and He met me there. And even now singing still does wonders to my heart...calming my fears, bringing peace, and letting God's presence touch my still, weak, little, and frail heart when the darkness, confusion, doubt, or fear seems to be surrounding me. Little did I know that the Lord had me in training even back then and that He was giving me a key ingredient as to what would bring me strength and courage on the earth. And I have a feeling when I stand before Him in eternity and I get to talk to Him about it, I think He will say His favorite time was when I was alone in that dark room and I sang to Him for the first time.

Making Our Hearts His Home

I love vacations, but there is nothing like coming home to my own home, sleeping in my own bed, using my own shower, and eating from my own kitchen (unless it's my mom's mexican food). There is something about being at home that calms our hearts and causes us to feel at rest. Although there are many people's homes I feel perfectly comfortable in, it just can never be home.

I have been thinking a lot about how God is wanting our hearts to be His "home." In John 14 (or 15 or 13...I can't remember) it says to those who love Jesus that the Father promises to love them also. Not only that, but it says that they will come and make their home in our hearts. I've been thinking about the incredibleness (that isn't a real word, is it?) of what Jesus is saying in this verse. He doesn't want to just come and visit us...He doesn't want our hearts to be a place where He packs His bags (so to speak) and stays awhile to enjoy us. HE WANTS TO MOVE IN!!! And He never wants to leave.

Is it really true that God is looking for a home? He obviously has everything He needs...He is God! Yet, He must long for a home if it's His goal that our hearts would be His home. Even when Jesus is on the earth, He said that foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but He didn't have any place to lay His head. Our hearts can be a place of rest for the Lord. It can be His habitation -- His home. How loved He must have felt at His friends houses, such as Lazarus, Mary, and Martha. Yet, He says He didn't have a real place of rest that He could lay His head.


In my first year of college, I lived with 5 girls. I know...that was basically insane!! We obviously had to make some adjustments as to how we lived. Sometimes we had to make room for someone elses stuff, change our plans to suit someone elses, etc. It is true with any person who has a roommate that they have to "make room" for the other person to live with them. They no longer make decisions alone or pay bills by themselves...there is someone else involved in keeping the house clean, paying the bills, etc. It is the same with Jesus. He wants to partner with us on the earth. He wants to live with us. He wants to do everything with us. He wants to have fun with us, go to work with us, go through times of pain with us, and give us sweet moments of His love throughout it all. It takes some adjustments in our lives for the Lord to have that kind of intimacy in our lives. It is the difference between a good relationship with Him and an excellent one. I'm not talking about Jesus coming into our hearts for the first time through salvation. I'm talking about the kind of relationship that Moses had with Him -- where God can look at someone and say that they are His friend. Yes -- God can be friends with humans. That's exciting! Yet, there are adjustments we must make to be able to walk with God this way. It doesn't just happen. God likes to be pursued. He blesses the heart that hungers for Him.

From the moment Jesus entered into this earthly human realm, there was never room for Him. Even when Mary was about to give birth to Him, there was no room in the inn for Him. I question myself now...Lord, is there room in my heart for you? Have I opened the door of my heart to you...not just for a short visit or vacation, but have you moved in? Do you feel at home in me? Is my heart at rest enough to where you can lay your head down and relax? Can you be yourself in me? Have you made my heart your habitation? There are certain people in my life that when we are together, we can be comepletely quiet and it is ok. There is not the need to say something...there is not the akward feeling of "now what do I say?" It's just easy being around them and silence is ok. Is it that way with You, God? Can I enter into the rest of your heart and not have to say a word? Is it akward for me to just sit in silence with You? Is it ok if I just lean on you for a moment and not have to say a word, but just be with you? His answer is YES! Because that's the kind of place He is looking for. He wants a place of rest, of peace, of quietness. His heart is that way, and He can teach us to have that kind of heart also.

The Lord has given us so much...yet, at times (because of our weakness), we forget that we too fill something in His heart. His heart is ravished over us. Oh how He longs to make His home in us...to teach us about quietness and rest and leaning into Him. He is patient with us and offers us the promise that He will teach us about what He is like. The only thing we must do is found in the verse, "COME all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Put my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." He will be our teacher...and oh what a gentle and humble one He is. The only thing we must do is to come... and then learn from Him.

The Privilage of Talking to God

I was just thinking tonight about the simplicity of prayer and how it is a divine privilage that we are able to talk with God. And that is what prayer boils down to...we get to talk to God! The fact that He is distracted in a loving way with weak human beings and wants us to talk to Him is so overwhelming. It's especially true when we are aware of our own weakness and also aware of His pure heart in love and friendship...He knows us so intimately and yet loves us the same through every time of doubt, confusion, or pain. It's amazing, really, that we individually have a straight line to the throne room of God and He awaits the time we choose to spend with Him as any good friend awaits the time spent with someone they like. How beautiful His creation is...the mountains in their splendor, the oceans and their seemingly unendingness that brings peace to any heart watching, the stars in their majesty... , but instead of all of His beauty in nature, His heart is after us. Reminds me of the psalmist's words (and I paraphrase) "What is it about us that you pay attention to us, that you even look upon us, Lord?" We surely don't see ourselves through His eyes. We are so privilaged to speak with Him, to sense His presence upon our hearts, and to know His closeness.

Connecting my Words to My Heart...Learning to Love Sincerely

The last few weeks I can't seem to shake the fact of how insincere our world is, how insincere our friendships are at times, and frankly, how incredibly insincere my heart is at times. Not only is this true of my relationship with others, but it's true of my relationship with the lover of my heart, Jesus. I find myself at times doing spiritual things with no life on the inside. What frustration there is to know that I am merely being a busy body with no sense of real life on the inside for the things I am doing. Although I'm not to the point of drowning in my condemnation, I believe it's a healthy perspective and an invitation to have my heart awakened and brought out of a state of slumber. It's so the Lord's kindness to show us the reality of our hearts...not so we can stay in depression over the fact that we are lacking, but that He is truly pursuing and calling us into a deeper, more heart felt relationship with Him. He wants us!! Life changes from merely doing things out of habit or ritual, to being alive on the inside and being energized by love. I like life much better this way and I hate it the other way. Yuck. I would quit it all if that's what it was all about...just being a busy body for God is not going to cut it for me. Yet, I find myself being one more often than I want.

Romans 12:9 states, "Love MUST be sincere." The essence of what love is travels around the word sincerity. Love can't be love without sincerity. Websters gives us a look into the word more so we can digest it better. It defines it as, "pure, unmixed, unadulterated, whole, perfect, being in reality what it appears to be; having a character which corresponds with the appearance; not falsely assumed; genuine; true; real; Honest; free from hypocrisy or dissimulation; as, a sincere friend; a sincere person." I love those definitions! I especially like "having a character which corresponds with the appearance." So when you are sincere, what you do and say on the outside is an exact representation of what is happening on the inside of you. There aren't two different streams flowing from your life.

We so easily just blurt out words, even loving words, to others. But many times they are not sincere...they are merely sounds coming out of our mouths with no attachment from our hearts. So that's all it ends up as -- sounds coming from our mouths. But the words that come from a heart that is sincere...his/her words have power because it is coming from a heart that is alive and sincere. That's why when the person that truly loves you says, "I love you" it touches your heart (or stirs your emotions). But when the person that doesn't really mean it, that speaks from a shallowness, says the same exact words, it doesn't touch your heart. So we can safely say, if you speak from your heart sincerely, it will touch others hearts and cause love to be stirred on the inside of others. Love must be sincere. It can't be love without sincerity.

Do you know the power of sincere honest words to a heart? Our hearts are filled with disappointment after dissapointment of the same story over and over...I thought they loved me. It happens over and over again until we finally give up the search for real love. It could be a wound from a parent, a spouse, a friend, a minister, etc. Often we ourselves have hurt others. Maybe not even purposely, but just because we are human. The fact that we are ALL looking for the same thing should point us to Jesus. The one thing that is true of every human is the fact that we are all looking for love. We crave it and many times fill it with things that only satisfy us for a short time. It's like going around the same mountain over and over again. The answer is to not lock ourselves in a room for the rest of our lives so we don't sin.
We must change our view of who God is. He is not our master...He is our lover. When one touches the essence of who Jesus is, everything changes. It's like coming home. It's like finding a safe place for the first time. It's like unveiling our hearts before someone who we can finally trust. It's like sitting on the lap of a safe Daddy who cares for us. It's like laughing for the first time and being found.

It's like being held for the first time by the most tender, gentle, loving hands that knows the feeling of pain, understands our frailty, and whose rewards is in the fact that He can have us. It's like being wanted for the first time. Being known for the first time. It is love to the fullest measure and our hearts can't contain or hold it all. There is nothing like being close to Him and it will ruin you forever once you get even the slightest touch from Him or hear His sweet voice that calms every loud storm around you. He loves amazingly and we don't even know the beginning of it.

What really blows my mind is when I think about how sincere the heart of Jesus must be. He says nothing without His heart being attached to His words. As Psalms 45 says, His words are "annonited with grace." His heart is alive in love. Whoever hears His words are stirred with love because He speaks honestly, with truth and sincerity, which touches our hearts and stirs our emotions. The invitation that He gives us is an invitation of the heart. It's not an invitation for busy bodies. It's an invitation for the heart. To love Him sincerely, to speak honestly to Him, to be one with Him in Spirit and love! Oh what incredible fellowship awaits the person that has a sincere heart...whose words are always attached to their hearts...who speaks honestly to their God! A powerful stream of love flows from that kind of heart. How it must move the heart of God when words come forth from it to Him. Sincere friendships are the one of the most beautiful gifts God can give us on the earth. Oh that our hearts would be free to love each other sincerely -- that our words would always be attached to our hearts -- being a reflection of God's love to one another in a world of insincerity and disilutionment in the area of love. Love. It is the gift of God to us. It is God!

We no longer have to ask the question..."He loves me...He loves me not." We can know.