The Pain of Separation and the Gift of Longing

I remember the first time I experienced a new demension of who God was. I had known certain parts of God, such as the importance of prayer and trying to stay far from sinful things. I loved God, but was quite legalistic and judgemental. Because of His love for me, He would soon bring a shaking and brokenness that would cause all of my pride to shatter under His mercy for my life. I had no idea what was about to hit! Although I had the mental knowledge of His love, I had not experienced it on the heart level like I was going to in my early 20s. It was during this season of divine shaking from the Lord that I would experience His love for the first time on a level that I was not accustomed to. Although I didn't understand the heart of God in what was happening to me then, I look back with a different perspective and I see His mercy written all over it. It's funny how we often need time to have some understanding of what God was doing in situations of the past. What an opportunity to more fully understand God's heart of jealousy over us by Him allowing certain things to take place. Even more than us, it's His desire that we mature into our true identity - lovers of God. If you are as stubborn as me, sometimes it takes some shaking sent straight from the throne room of heaven. Oh the treasure of understanding His kindness in all of life's seasons! His banner over us is love!

In that sweet season of encountering the precious heart of Jesus and His love for me, I became ruined. I loved more than anything to sit with Him and drink deeply of His presence and sweetness that, day by day, brought such healing to me. I found Him as a dear friend and confidant that knew every part of me from beginning to end. I had never known such friendship before. I was amazed that, after all my years of what I thought was devotion, I hadn't really known Him. I hadn't really experienced who God was. In my zeal for Him, I was actually missing the point -- to love Him and be loved by Him. I wanted to prove to Him that I was something special, but it was now time that He proved to me His love, zeal, and commitment to me. He knew my heart and, for the first time with no striving, I was actually enjoying God. It was a season where He took my aside and lavished me with His love. Although I didn't realize it then, it was a time of preparation.

Now, 10 years later, I long for that season again...to be close to Him, to listen to Him, and to forget about the things that are truly of no importance. There is nothing like being close to Him. If you also have the longing in your heart, you are blessed. For one day there will not be the gift of longing. We will be in His presence forever. For now, during these few days on the earth, may we value the gift of a longing heart --- one that finds no satisfaction in worldly things, but even in the pain of separation that our hearts would long for the One that can fill every part. Nothing else can satisfy. Nothing.

With that, I want to type a part of the book, "Union and Communion," by Hudson Taylor. It happens to be my favorite book. It speaks of the bride in Song of Solomon, a picture of the church.

"She has had her eyes open to know His love and longs for a fuller enjoyment of His love. This experience of knowing His love gives a divine warrent for the desire for perceptible manifistations of His presence--heartfelt communications of His love. It was not always so with her. Once she was content in His absence--other friendships and other occupations sufficed her--but now it can never be so again. The world can never be to her what it once was. She has learned to love her Lord, and no other companionship can satisfy her like companionship with Him. His visits may be occasional and brief, but they are precious times of pure enjoyment. Their memory is cherished in the intervals and their repetition longed for. There is no real satsifaction in His absence, and yet He is not always with her: He comes and goes. When He comes, her joy in Him is like heaven, and when He goes she is longing in vain for His presence. Like the everchanging tide, her experience is a constant ebb and flow. It may even be that unrest is the rule, satisfaction the exception. Is there no help for this? Must it always continue this way? Is it possible that He has created these unquenchable longings only to taunt her? It is strange indeed if this is the case. There are many who look back to the delightful hour of their conversion who are far from finding the rich inheritance in Christ they once enjoyed, and they are conscious that they have lost their first love. Others, who may not have lost their first love, may be feeling that the occasional interruptions to communion are becoming more and more unbearable. His absence is an ever-increasing distress "Oh that I knew where I might find Him! Would that His love were strong and constant like mine and that he never withdrew the light of His countenance!" Poor mistaken one! There is a love far stronger than yours waiting, longing for satisfaction. He is waiting for you all the time, and the conditions that debar His approach are all of your own making. Take the right place before Him and He will be most ready, most glad, to satisfy your deepest longings, and to meet and supply your every need."