Memories of Singing in the Dark

As a child, I was one of those kids that hated the dark...I was so scared that a monster would be in my closet, the boogy man was coming to get me, and all the other things that so often torture little hearts at night! My two older sisters were quite the opposite. They were so much stronger than me and so NOT afraid! I wished that I could be like them, but I was not. So on most nights I would beg and plead for one of my sisters to sleep with me! I hated being in that dark room all alone and it sure would bring peace to my little heart if someone else would be with me in the dark! I'm sure after pestering them for awhile, they grew so sick of me asking that I finally got the hint that I would have to face my fears alone...another dark night alone with the boogy man!!! My mom tried all kinds of things. She would sit by my bed until I fell asleep and pray with me. The problem was, I didn't want to fall asleep because I knew that the moment I did, she would leave! I never told her that, but I remember feeling it. She even tried to play a book on tape children's story for me. Nothing seemed to do the trick. I don't remember how I started doing it, but I finally found one thing that seemed to bring peace to my heart. One night I decided I would sing. I didn't know any songs other than the ones I knew from church, so I just sang those.

Now for those who don't know, I have a long history of singing. And if you know it, you're probably laughing by now because it's not the kind of history you might think. My sisters were the singers. I was not. But because it looked cuter if all of us were up there on the stage singing, we all sang together. I seriously hated it. It's not that my mom forced me to, I just kind of went along with flow...like it was the right thing to do, even though I knew it was not my thing. Needless to say, I never sang alone because I...well...could not sing! I have videos of us singing at church that my mom would take. There is one particular video that stands out to me that makes me chuckle. The video consists of my older sister elbowing me angrilly as I accidently started to sing her solo part of the song. That was the story of my life...I was the sister that could not sing, would forget lines, sing the wrong parts, and always seemed to mess up the Isaacs sisters performances!

Anyways, singing became the key ingrediant of fixing my fear of the boogy man. During those years, I for the first time began to sense the presence of Jesus that took away my fears, calmed my heart, and brought peace even to my young frail heart. My family soon moved to another home where I would share a room with my sister Sherri. This kind of messed up my routine of singing...she, like any other normal human being, didn't like my singing and asked me to stop so she could sleep. I'm sure I would have done the same thing! So, from that point on, my singing stopped!

Also for those of you who may not know (probably all of you do), I am originally from Arizona and my dad is an Okie. Therefore, I came to Oklahoma for college since my extended family lived here. I was never musical in highschool. I never had the desire to sing or to play an instrument. Again, that sort of thing belonged to my oldest sister, Cristy, who happens to be an incredible pianist and singer (and Sherri can sing also). I just never wanted anything to do with it. But in college I had several cousins that were in a band and would teach lessons to anyone who wanted to. Little did I know what the Lord had planned. So, I began to learn a few instruments. Over a few years time, I could play the bass, guitar, drums, and tad bit of piano. I wan't at all what some would consider "good," but I could play a few songs and had pretty decent rhythm. Singing was not a part of the picture though.

In 2002 (I think), our college ministry invited some friends from Kansas City to come down for a week and teach us the form of prayer and worship that the Lord had birthed in their community. Some of you may know it as "Harp and Bowl." It's basically prayer mixed in with worship. Anyways, we were excited for our friends to come and train us some on the subject. I remember so distinctly sitting on that stage in Lifehouse with a mic in front of me feeling pure fear when they asked us to sing. My thoughts were, "I am NOT a singer. I can play guitar...or something else...but don't ask me to sing, please." Well, we all sang. I'm sure it wasn't beautiful or wonderful, but the goal was to get us to sing, not so much to sing beautifully. That day seemed to birth something on the inside of me. From that point on, I began to take my guitar in my room and practiced singing.

One day the Lord began to remind me of the days when I was little and how I would sing to Him in my room. I felt an invitation from Him again...I felt Him ask me, "Marci, will you sing to me again, like you did when you were little?" I was obviously very moved in that moment as I looked back and realized the stigma that had been placed on me as the "one who could not sing." It wasn't that others would necessarily say it about me, it was more of how I veiwed myself. Yet, Jesus was inviting and wanting to awaken that part of me again that had been dead for so long. And even though I am now a singer (though definately not anything special or unique), I know the Lord had to have loved those early days in that dark room when I poured my weak, scared, little heart out to Him and He met me there. And even now singing still does wonders to my heart...calming my fears, bringing peace, and letting God's presence touch my still, weak, little, and frail heart when the darkness, confusion, doubt, or fear seems to be surrounding me. Little did I know that the Lord had me in training even back then and that He was giving me a key ingredient as to what would bring me strength and courage on the earth. And I have a feeling when I stand before Him in eternity and I get to talk to Him about it, I think He will say His favorite time was when I was alone in that dark room and I sang to Him for the first time.