Refusing to Live as Victims of our Pasts

One thing that is so incredible about God is that our past really is forgotten. It’s deleted from His memory forever. Unfortunately, we often struggle with forgetting it ourselves. Many people, often without anyone else knowing it, live in the shame of the past when God wants to call us out and bring us into freedom. We don’t have to live in the shackles of yesterday’s pain, mistakes, or failures. Hopefully here are a few practical things that will be helpful if you or someone you know is dealing with it.

One thing we must know is that although God forgets our past, He does not forget us. He knows exactly what you have gone through, whether other people do or not. He knows every detail and is willing to walk us through to where our past doesn’t control us anymore. The fact is, God really cares about us. This includes every part of our lives, from the smallest to the greatest details. This fact, in and of itself, can bring such relief to know that God understands us. He knows why we are angry, bitter, resentful, etc. There is nothing that is too far for God to not restore. Relationships may or may not be restored, but He can restore the inside of us to where we are no longer victims. We just aren't meant to live in slavery to our pasts.

Many emotions are felt when the past tries to rule over us. Fear is one of the greatest. When you sense fear, it’s important to know it’s not coming from God. Recognizing who God is and what He is like will help us to know the source of our emotions, etc. There is no fear in His love. Perfect love drives out all fear, and His love is perfect. So when we are bound up by fear (whatever that looks like in your life), God wants to break that off so you can walk in peace and confidence in God. It might be a fear of what people think or a fear that your past will influence your present or future. You don’t have to walk in it. God has something better.

Something else that we have all had to deal with is the huge issue of forgiving ourselves and forgiving others. Unforgiveness really does hurt you more than anyone else. It’s not worth holding it in to where it brings damage to your own life. The damage manifests in different ways and will eventually destroy other relationships in your life as well as yourself. Bitterness is a very ugly thing. Again, God wants us to know that He sees what has happened, He knows the details, and He isn’t apathetic about the wrong things that have been done to us. At the same time, He is committed to us living in freedom. Forgiveness is necessary for that to happen. It may not happen overnight, and you may have to keep forgiving until it’s a reality in your heart. God, overtime, really will work in our hearts to forgive those who have wronged us. Don’t feel bad if those old feelings of anger arise again. Deal with it, forgive them again, and go on. Don’t let it fester to the point where it ruins you. And don’t give up with the process. It may take time. And then there is the issue of forgiving ourselves. There is nothing worse than knowing you have made a mistake at the cost of someone else. It is normal (and probably a little bit healthy) to feel the seriousness of our mistake. God wants us to deal with it and go on instead of holding it against ourselves. There is nothing freer than to let go and forgive yourself or someone who has wronged you. Holding onto it will only bring disaster in your own life.

Lastly, I think the most important way of overcoming things of the past is to know how God sees us. I know I write about this a lot, but I think the subject is so important for all of us. We must know that our identity is not in our past. We must know that God sees us in a different way than those who are familiar with us in our lives that may only see us in the perspective of the past. I can’t tell you how freeing it is to have people’s opinion of you not matter because your identity is in how God feels about you, not others. You can forgive easier because you are “rooted and grounded in the love of God.” (Ephesians) No longer are you looking and searching for people to fill that void of helping you to feel significant. Your significance comes from the Lord in knowing you are loved and cared for by Him. His love covers a multitude of sin and there is absolutely no shame in His presence. Without hanging our heads, we can look straight in His eyes, so to speak. We must know who we are in God to have victory over our pasts and other voices that surround us. Even those that are closest to us sometimes are the ones that are too familiar to see who we really are in God. He wants to show you who you really are in Him, and you will really start to like yourself if you don’t already. No longer will the memories and thoughts from the past stop you from being who God wants you to be.

I hope this is helpful to someone out there. If your past is trying to haunt you, try answering these thoughts and questions:

1. What emotions/feelings do you have when dealing with your past? Anger? Unforgiveness? Bitterness? Etc… Being aware of our feelings is important. You may want to journal or talk to someone you can trust about it. Just don’t let it stay in there. Being aware that you are angry, etc is the first step to being free.

2. Have I forgiven the person(s) who wronged me? Have I forgiven myself? Have I tried to forgive, but just can’t seem to? If so, commit to asking the Lord to help you to forgive. Don’t give up on the process. Remember, it may take time.

3. Am I filling my mind with who God says I am (reading helpful books, positive relationships, other resources)? If not, commit to setting aside a part of your day or week to prayer and other helpful ways of connecting to God.

4. Be aware of words that you are speaking out of your mouth about the situation (words about yourself, words about others, etc). You may need to stop talking about it with certain people so you can gain perspective and move on. Surround yourself with people that are positive who can help you get out of it, instead of staying in the negativity. Our words really do matter. Being around people that help you, not hurt you, may be the most important thing of all.


Love ya’ll!