Yes, for the first time I have purchased my own new vehicle! It's a blue 2009 Dodge Journey...similar to an SUV. I am in love with it! Got a good deal on it and have absolutely no buyer's remorse. Sorry, but I don't have a picture yet. It's used, but very low on milage and much cheaper than if I would have bought it new. I was so glad to get rid of my '99 Oldsmobile Intrigue whose windows didn't roll down, CD player rarely worked, and mirrors never adjusted. I'm considering getting a car alarm since my car has been broken into TWICE in the past few months. But, they caught the group that broke into it the first time and stole several things. I was one of 80 victims (houses and cars being broke into). Glad they caught 'em, but still a little paranoid. LOVE my new car though!!
Now for the bad news...when they ran my credit, I found out my identity had been stolen way back in 2006 and someone from Tucson, AZ had put several things on there like car loans, etc. Thankfully it didn't affect me buying my car, but now I have to spend the time trying to clean up my credit. No fun...I'm so tired of my finances and credit being messed up! As some of you know, my I.D. was stolen back in March, so I already had some problem with identity theft. Now I have a completely different problem to take care of. Mean!!!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Heart of the Father for us!
Here is a glimpse into my life and what God has done in my heart. I hope you find it encouraging and know that if God feels this way about me, He certainly doesn't feel any less about you. He doesn't have any favorites - He loves each of us like we are all His favorites!! He is an amazing Father.
Growing up I was a normal kid. I was dirty most of the time from playing outside with the neighborhood kids. I was born in Colorado, but moved to Arizona when I was four. I lived there until I graduated highschool and moved to Oklahoma. Arizona made an interesting childhood. From 1st - 4th grade I lived about 15 minutes out of town in a small area of homes in the middle of a dessert. No kidd'n! My days were filled with climbing over the barbed wire fence located about 30 feet from my front gate. From there it was an endless adventure into the heated dessert where I would run from snakes, chase lizards, and build forts with my buddies.
I was the youngest of three sisters and always felt I could never measure up to them. They were a lot smarter than I was and seemed to be better than I was at most things. I was mostly clumsy and made a lot of mistakes that proved to be laughable by others. At a young age my self esteem slowly and steadily became low. I never thought I could measure up or do anything right. My heart posture didn't change much through the teen years. I wasn't depressed, suicidal, or having major emotional problems. I just didn't think I was anything really special or unique. I didn't have much self value and considered myself someone that was hidden in the day to day life of school. I just didnt see myself as someone that had anything special about me.
This is the most incredible truth that has struck my heart more than anything about how God feels about me. I know how it feels to be told for the first time that you are special, that you are loved, and that you are wanted. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me well. But there are places in our hearts that only God can touch and heal. This was one of those deep, deep places that God touched with His healing embrace. The only way I can explain it is that it was like being an orphan waiting for someone to want me. I was waiting for someone to look at me and tell me who I was...that I wasn't forgotten and that I wasn't just another person living life with no real purpose. I wanted to be known, I wanted to be seen, and I wanted to be noticed. It was like being adopted into the most loving, the most wonderful embrace of a Father's arms. That embrace has brought much healing into my life. And as I realize more and more who the Father is, I can't help but share about what He has done in me. When He speaks over us and we hear Him, His voice is like a powerful force that breaks off every bit of neglect, abandonment, and rejection. Nothing can stay when the voice of my Father declares who I am. Yes, I have been adopted and it has changed my identity. It has changed the way I see myself. When the ugliness of rejection and the lie that says no one really cares rises up in me, I cling to my Father. I may not feel Him all the time, but I cling to His promise over my life. That promise is that I am loved, I am wanted, and He cherishes me. He says His thoughts about me are more than the sands on the seashore and those thoughts are all loving thoughts. They are full of affection and love and tenderness.
The other day I was feeling a bit depressed and wasn't really sure why. Depression is a tricky thing...sometimes we know the reason behind our depression, other times we don't. Finally after wallowing in it for awhile, I turned to the Lord. I layed on the floor of my room and all of a sudden His love began to wash over me and I just lost it...I cried and cried and cried. I bawled like a baby in the arms of my Daddy. As I cried, I felt the Lord tenderly saying over me, "I care about you, Marci. I really care about you." He just said it over and over and over again. Every time it was like His words were bringing deep healing to my heart. He began to show me situations and events in my life where I felt overlooked, where decisions were made without asking what I wanted, and where I didn't feel listened to. As I allowed the Father to hold me close to His heart, it was like He was telling me that He listened to me, that the things that were in my heart were important to Him, and He wanted my dreams to be fulfilled. His love washed over me and I rose from the floor a different person!
As we live life on this earth, we will have times where it gets the best of us. It is in those times that the Father just wants us to curl up on His lap and let Him love us. His heart beats with a love that is everlasting, a love that is so tender it can brake the hardest of hearts. He wants us to get to the point where we expect Him to love us because we know His heart and we know how He feels about us. When a child climbs in his/her Father's lap, they don't expect to be spanked. They expect to be embraced and loved. It's the same with God. We need a good extra-long time with our Father. Just Him and us. Let the tears come, let the hurts go, and let His love wash over us again.
Growing up I was a normal kid. I was dirty most of the time from playing outside with the neighborhood kids. I was born in Colorado, but moved to Arizona when I was four. I lived there until I graduated highschool and moved to Oklahoma. Arizona made an interesting childhood. From 1st - 4th grade I lived about 15 minutes out of town in a small area of homes in the middle of a dessert. No kidd'n! My days were filled with climbing over the barbed wire fence located about 30 feet from my front gate. From there it was an endless adventure into the heated dessert where I would run from snakes, chase lizards, and build forts with my buddies.
I was the youngest of three sisters and always felt I could never measure up to them. They were a lot smarter than I was and seemed to be better than I was at most things. I was mostly clumsy and made a lot of mistakes that proved to be laughable by others. At a young age my self esteem slowly and steadily became low. I never thought I could measure up or do anything right. My heart posture didn't change much through the teen years. I wasn't depressed, suicidal, or having major emotional problems. I just didn't think I was anything really special or unique. I didn't have much self value and considered myself someone that was hidden in the day to day life of school. I just didnt see myself as someone that had anything special about me.
This is the most incredible truth that has struck my heart more than anything about how God feels about me. I know how it feels to be told for the first time that you are special, that you are loved, and that you are wanted. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me well. But there are places in our hearts that only God can touch and heal. This was one of those deep, deep places that God touched with His healing embrace. The only way I can explain it is that it was like being an orphan waiting for someone to want me. I was waiting for someone to look at me and tell me who I was...that I wasn't forgotten and that I wasn't just another person living life with no real purpose. I wanted to be known, I wanted to be seen, and I wanted to be noticed. It was like being adopted into the most loving, the most wonderful embrace of a Father's arms. That embrace has brought much healing into my life. And as I realize more and more who the Father is, I can't help but share about what He has done in me. When He speaks over us and we hear Him, His voice is like a powerful force that breaks off every bit of neglect, abandonment, and rejection. Nothing can stay when the voice of my Father declares who I am. Yes, I have been adopted and it has changed my identity. It has changed the way I see myself. When the ugliness of rejection and the lie that says no one really cares rises up in me, I cling to my Father. I may not feel Him all the time, but I cling to His promise over my life. That promise is that I am loved, I am wanted, and He cherishes me. He says His thoughts about me are more than the sands on the seashore and those thoughts are all loving thoughts. They are full of affection and love and tenderness.
The other day I was feeling a bit depressed and wasn't really sure why. Depression is a tricky thing...sometimes we know the reason behind our depression, other times we don't. Finally after wallowing in it for awhile, I turned to the Lord. I layed on the floor of my room and all of a sudden His love began to wash over me and I just lost it...I cried and cried and cried. I bawled like a baby in the arms of my Daddy. As I cried, I felt the Lord tenderly saying over me, "I care about you, Marci. I really care about you." He just said it over and over and over again. Every time it was like His words were bringing deep healing to my heart. He began to show me situations and events in my life where I felt overlooked, where decisions were made without asking what I wanted, and where I didn't feel listened to. As I allowed the Father to hold me close to His heart, it was like He was telling me that He listened to me, that the things that were in my heart were important to Him, and He wanted my dreams to be fulfilled. His love washed over me and I rose from the floor a different person!
As we live life on this earth, we will have times where it gets the best of us. It is in those times that the Father just wants us to curl up on His lap and let Him love us. His heart beats with a love that is everlasting, a love that is so tender it can brake the hardest of hearts. He wants us to get to the point where we expect Him to love us because we know His heart and we know how He feels about us. When a child climbs in his/her Father's lap, they don't expect to be spanked. They expect to be embraced and loved. It's the same with God. We need a good extra-long time with our Father. Just Him and us. Let the tears come, let the hurts go, and let His love wash over us again.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Our Highest Calling
After many years of being a "church person," I'm just now finding out and experiencing (on a beginning level) the reality of the highest calling of the Chrisitan life. I think in our culture and time, we leave the Christian experience to merely a church experience with no real depth to it. I'm speaking of myself, and not being critical of others. I have found this to be true of seasons in my life - that I merely attend church with no life of God on the inside. I finally asked myself what the real point was. I also realized I had this ache and emptiness that wasn't getting filled by anything around me. Alongside this realization I had this longing and desire to really know God - to know His love, not just the emptiness of religious activity. I wanted to know if He could satisfy the very depths of my being. Instead of quitting the whole church thing, I decided to do quite the opposite and begin to really seek hard to find God in an intimate way for myself. I'm talking as a friend, not an acquaintance...I wanted to experience His presence on a much deeper level. I figured that if it's really possible for anyone anywhere to step into a depth of friendship and love relationship with God, I'm going to try it out. I'm for church and all, but church in itself is way below the line of relational intimacy God has intended for us. He wants our hearts.
I say all that to say this -- the highest calling of a Christian is quite different than what our culture says it is. There are many people who do not attend church that are much nearer to God and have an understanding of who God is than many church people. Again, I don't say that critically, I'm just aware that people like myself are not aware of their real spiritual state. It's kind of like calling people to drink deeply of thirst-quenching water, but we aren't even aware that we are calling them into the dessert where their hearts won't be satisfied. We must come to the realization that we really don't know that much about God and that the things we call important, even in ministry stuff, is quite possibly much different than what is viewed as important in the heart of God.
I think to understand the highest calling of a Christian is to understand the desires of God's heart. It's in finding out what He is like and what He wants and longs for that we will understand what the Christian life is about, what is important to Him, and what is less important to Him. What does God like? If we were made in His image, we have to realize that God's heart actually LIKES things. He is full of emotions, has a personality, and has thoughts. If He likes things, it's only fair to say that there are things He doesn't like. Think about the things you enjoy doing -- what are some activities or things you like to do? Just like us, God really likes certain things. The question that I want to know is, what does He like BEST? What really moves His heart and pleases Him? It's a little different than ours...although I figure I will go fishing with Him one day, it's probably not first on His "I like" list. When I'm thinking of a birthday gift for a friend, I want to get something that they like. I have to know them pretty well for this to happen. The moment they open that gift, I want to know for sure that they will like it. We can be that sure about God's heart - we can be sure that we are pleasing Him, that what we do really makes Him smile, and our choices and decisions line up with His priorities.
Do you know what I have noticed in my life? God likes it when I pay attention to Him. He likes it when I notice Him and involve Him in my decisions and day to day activities. This doesn't mean I go around talking to Him in front of people or do wierd religious things to make a fool of myself. As a matter of fact, if you would ask someone I work with, they would tell you I really don't talk that much about God to them. I may not ever mention it. It's not that I'm afraid to, I just think it is much more powerful and real for someone to watch my life than for me to tell them about it. Words are just words. I want my life to be much more than words...I want to reflect God's love in my actions. It doesn't always happen, but that's the story of all our lives. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Is it safe to say that all God wants and desires is to be paid attention to...to be listened to...to be loved? There is no doubt that we are loved by Him, but I believe the invitation for us is to be HIS friend - to ask Him what is on His mind, to make time to listen to Him, and to find out what He really likes. A good friend knows the desires of their friend's hearts - they know what they like and dislike. A person who is working for someone may never get to the "friend/friend" relationship with their boss. God doesn't want to be a boss and He doesn't want workers. He wants us to get out of the worker mentality and enter into a friendship with Him. He wants us to get out of the master/slave kind of relationship and begin to see that He wants to partner with us in our jobs and relationships.
Are we aware of what God is doing in our lives? The big things, small things, and everything inbetween? So many times we see it as just circumstances lining up in our favor, but it really is God's hand at work. He really is active in our lives. Unfortunately we can get so busy that we miss the opportunity God gives us for friendship with Him. I believe this is the highest calling of our lives - to notice God, to listen to Him, to involve Him in our lives, and to love Him. May we all take a little bit more time to involve Him in our lives -- that HE would feel wanted, loved, and welcome.
I say all that to say this -- the highest calling of a Christian is quite different than what our culture says it is. There are many people who do not attend church that are much nearer to God and have an understanding of who God is than many church people. Again, I don't say that critically, I'm just aware that people like myself are not aware of their real spiritual state. It's kind of like calling people to drink deeply of thirst-quenching water, but we aren't even aware that we are calling them into the dessert where their hearts won't be satisfied. We must come to the realization that we really don't know that much about God and that the things we call important, even in ministry stuff, is quite possibly much different than what is viewed as important in the heart of God.
I think to understand the highest calling of a Christian is to understand the desires of God's heart. It's in finding out what He is like and what He wants and longs for that we will understand what the Christian life is about, what is important to Him, and what is less important to Him. What does God like? If we were made in His image, we have to realize that God's heart actually LIKES things. He is full of emotions, has a personality, and has thoughts. If He likes things, it's only fair to say that there are things He doesn't like. Think about the things you enjoy doing -- what are some activities or things you like to do? Just like us, God really likes certain things. The question that I want to know is, what does He like BEST? What really moves His heart and pleases Him? It's a little different than ours...although I figure I will go fishing with Him one day, it's probably not first on His "I like" list. When I'm thinking of a birthday gift for a friend, I want to get something that they like. I have to know them pretty well for this to happen. The moment they open that gift, I want to know for sure that they will like it. We can be that sure about God's heart - we can be sure that we are pleasing Him, that what we do really makes Him smile, and our choices and decisions line up with His priorities.
Do you know what I have noticed in my life? God likes it when I pay attention to Him. He likes it when I notice Him and involve Him in my decisions and day to day activities. This doesn't mean I go around talking to Him in front of people or do wierd religious things to make a fool of myself. As a matter of fact, if you would ask someone I work with, they would tell you I really don't talk that much about God to them. I may not ever mention it. It's not that I'm afraid to, I just think it is much more powerful and real for someone to watch my life than for me to tell them about it. Words are just words. I want my life to be much more than words...I want to reflect God's love in my actions. It doesn't always happen, but that's the story of all our lives. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Is it safe to say that all God wants and desires is to be paid attention to...to be listened to...to be loved? There is no doubt that we are loved by Him, but I believe the invitation for us is to be HIS friend - to ask Him what is on His mind, to make time to listen to Him, and to find out what He really likes. A good friend knows the desires of their friend's hearts - they know what they like and dislike. A person who is working for someone may never get to the "friend/friend" relationship with their boss. God doesn't want to be a boss and He doesn't want workers. He wants us to get out of the worker mentality and enter into a friendship with Him. He wants us to get out of the master/slave kind of relationship and begin to see that He wants to partner with us in our jobs and relationships.
Are we aware of what God is doing in our lives? The big things, small things, and everything inbetween? So many times we see it as just circumstances lining up in our favor, but it really is God's hand at work. He really is active in our lives. Unfortunately we can get so busy that we miss the opportunity God gives us for friendship with Him. I believe this is the highest calling of our lives - to notice God, to listen to Him, to involve Him in our lives, and to love Him. May we all take a little bit more time to involve Him in our lives -- that HE would feel wanted, loved, and welcome.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Summer
What a year it has been! It's been nice to relax after unwinding from my first year of teaching. I love summer. I think of the summer months when I was little. They were filled with outside activities, desert adventures (I lived in AZ literally in the middle of a desert), bike riding, and other fun stuff. It's so interesting how kid's favorite play time activities have changed over the years. I hated being inside! I still love summer, but spend it quite differently than I used to. I usually try and get out of the country, but not this year. I plan on relaxing, spending time in the prayer room, taking daily walks with Jenn around OU (started today...hope it continues), and visiting my family. And, of course, thinking about the upcoming year will definately be involved in my summer days also. August is just around the corner!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Mother's Day
Well, tomorrow is Mother's Day! Unfortunately my Mom is out of town, so we are celebrating next week...it will actually be better since one of my sisters will be in town for my cousin's wedding. So I guess it all works out!
But, I did have a bit of an early MOM celebration with my kiddos at school on Friday. All of the Moms came and the kids painted their nails, gave them massages, served them dessert, and gave them the gifts we had been working on all week. It was a very sweet time...the kids loved it and the Moms made some good memories! Yay for mommies!
Here is a picture of my lovely Mommy! She would be very mad I put this up...but she will never know!! :)
But, I did have a bit of an early MOM celebration with my kiddos at school on Friday. All of the Moms came and the kids painted their nails, gave them massages, served them dessert, and gave them the gifts we had been working on all week. It was a very sweet time...the kids loved it and the Moms made some good memories! Yay for mommies!
Here is a picture of my lovely Mommy! She would be very mad I put this up...but she will never know!! :)
Friday, May 1, 2009
Puddin'
So, this might possibly be the most random post I've ever written. You'll understand why after reading it. I'm going to tell you about my first (and only) doll. I wasn't so much into dolls when I was little. I liked playing outside and getting really dirty. But tonight as I eat my delicious steaming hot chocolate pudding my thoughts trail back to the day I got my first (and only, I repeat) doll. It's a good story, so don't stop now! :) If anything, you'll just agree with me about it being very random.
I was born with my feet pointed severely inward. When I got older and began to walk, I wore leg braces because of it. There is a long story behind it, but to make it short, my parents prayed and the Lord did a miracle on my legs and they straightened out. Anyways, my mom's family lives in Colorado and we would spend a few weeks there each summer visiting. One particular summer when we were shopping at a store in Creede, Colorado (my family has a cabin there), my eyes beheld the one and only doll I would fall in love with. She hung in a display case and her name was "Pudd'n." Now you know why I thought of her while eating my delicious steaming hot chocolate pudding that is now sitting beside me cooling off. This was not just any doll... she was very unique in nature! Her legs pointed inward just like mine did! My sisters thougth she was the ugliest doll they had seen, but I thought she was beautiful because she had the same problem I had! Looking back, she was pretty ugly. She had no hair and wasn't smiling. But the only reason I liked her was because her imperfection was the same as mine. I wanted her so badly, but didn't get her that day. A few days later it was my birthday. Yes, you guessed it. My momma had her wrapped up ready to give to me. I was so excited when I opened it!
Now that I look back, I see even more of myself in that doll. I am what Paul calls the "weak and foolish things of the world" that God chooses. My "disabilities" are so obvious at times! Yet, God loves me despite them all! I love how He loves us!!!
I was born with my feet pointed severely inward. When I got older and began to walk, I wore leg braces because of it. There is a long story behind it, but to make it short, my parents prayed and the Lord did a miracle on my legs and they straightened out. Anyways, my mom's family lives in Colorado and we would spend a few weeks there each summer visiting. One particular summer when we were shopping at a store in Creede, Colorado (my family has a cabin there), my eyes beheld the one and only doll I would fall in love with. She hung in a display case and her name was "Pudd'n." Now you know why I thought of her while eating my delicious steaming hot chocolate pudding that is now sitting beside me cooling off. This was not just any doll... she was very unique in nature! Her legs pointed inward just like mine did! My sisters thougth she was the ugliest doll they had seen, but I thought she was beautiful because she had the same problem I had! Looking back, she was pretty ugly. She had no hair and wasn't smiling. But the only reason I liked her was because her imperfection was the same as mine. I wanted her so badly, but didn't get her that day. A few days later it was my birthday. Yes, you guessed it. My momma had her wrapped up ready to give to me. I was so excited when I opened it!
Now that I look back, I see even more of myself in that doll. I am what Paul calls the "weak and foolish things of the world" that God chooses. My "disabilities" are so obvious at times! Yet, God loves me despite them all! I love how He loves us!!!
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