Learning to Love the Desert

Well, this is a record. My 3rd blog in one day and it's only 1:30 in the afternoon. I haven't written anything in over a month and I write three in one day. I guess there isn't a lot to do but rest when you are sick. And blog.

Wanted to write a few more thoughts on having a longing heart. I do think that a longing heart comes from the Lord and that we will never fully be satisfied on this earth until He comes again. Jesus Himself has a longing heart. He longs for us, for our whole hearts to be given to Him. There are times where He comes so powerfully as if I could see Him with my own eyes. Then there are seasons that causes me to think He is distant. I know He is not, but because of my own heart that is prone to distraction, I lose a bit of the closeness that I had at one point with Him. It is because of this that the longing comes. It is what I CAN have with God and what IS available to me in God that brings a great frustration because I see such lack in my own life. It is like I am eating crumbs from a table when I could be feasting at the table with Him. There is more that I can have of Him, it's just I choose such lesser things so many times. I don't realize it until a week, a month, or a year later that I have just wasted so much on...well...things that don't have much significance in the light of eternity.

I guess it is true then that our unsatisfaction and hunger for God is God Himself working and wooing us to draw near to Him and say yes to Him again. To rise up out of our comfort zone and seek Him with fresh fervency knowing that what we do is not in vain. How foolish it looks to spend our days on the earth seeking Him, but how wise it is in His eyes and in the eyes of eternity. I once thought life was about perfect consistancy with Him. I am now learning life is about saying yes numerous times and starting over again and again. That's the beauty of grace, of mercy, and the heart of Jesus that invites every weak person to drink deeply of His heart of love. I love His heart for us and wish I had a deeper understanding of it in my own life. It is a mystery that our hearts will always be trying to grasp!

One thing I am learning is that God delights in brokeness and humility. In the process of Him making me more this way, I find I question what He is doing and have a great way to go as far as understanding His ways and how He works in my life. I have to watch myself from accusing Him and questioning His decisions about my life only to find that I am still in need of such a transformation. If only I could be empty of all my fears, doubts, and accusations!! If only I could trust better, believe more, and have more courage. I wish I loved and saw the wisdom in it, but maybe by the time I am 90, I will learn to love the desert season. I want to understand His heart in the middle of it better.