When God Looks at Me

I cried when I went to the Dr. last week. Not because I was sick...but because I got weighed. How embarrasing is that, right? I know I had gained some, but I was shocked as I looked on the scales. It was followed by a deep sigh, a few tears, and text to a friend stating, "I'm so sad. I weigh *** pounds." It's true, I struggle with my image a lot. It seems to be worse at times and the last few weeks has been one of the worst times yet. I know the Lord is wanting to break this in my life, but it just seems to have a deep hook in me that I can't seem to shake. I'm getting older, the matabalism is slowing down, and my life is the busiest it has ever been. Exercise is hard to work into the schedule when you have been sick and need to rest, but have no time to. Therefore, you just remain sick or even get sicker. Anyways, the Doc gave me a few ideas of how to lose my 25 extra pounds I've befriended.

This morning I realized what I need as I sat in my living room and snuggled with my dog, Sugar. Speaking of sugar, I need to stop eating it. But that's not what my greatest need is. My greatest need is not to add exercise into my routine, although that would be a good thing and I do plan on doing it when I get over being sick. This morning as I sat in the quietness of my living room I realized what I need most is to see God looking at me. I will never forget the first time I saw God looking at me. This morning I cried as I remembered. I won't go into detail, but I was changed when I discovered about how God felt about me and how He saw me. In that moment I saw how I viewed myself and it didn't measure up to God's thoughts about me. That moment changed me and it stands as one of the most powerful times I have had. It was like I was the most important person on the earth to God. I felt so loved, so important, and so cared for. Every fear of feeling overlooked, unnoticed, and unattrative seemed to disappear during that time. Today I realize I have gotten back into some of my old mindsets about who I am, what I look like, and how I am viewed. In the business of everything, I have allowed my heart to stop being fed on how God feels about me, which is really food for my soul.

I would rather be 25 pounds overweight and have a heart that believes in the truth of God's love and affection towards me than be perfectly in shape and living by the standards of what our culture calls beauty. In the long run, it really doesn't matter one bit.