OUCH

I am in pain. I think every muscle in my body is hurting. Kickboxing is my new friend. It's a love/hate relationship that is bitter sweet. Erin has been trying to get me to go for months. I finally gave in when she got rid of her 50th pound...yes, she has lost 50 pounds. Now that I've gone for 3 weeks, I can understand why. I almost died tonight. I really almost just dropped over dead. The worst part is when Gretchen, our teacher, says, "Get ready for burnout." As if I'm not already burned out and exausted... it's a killer of a class. I just tell myself if I can keep breathing it will be ok.

I'm also trying to lay off sugar. Now that's a whole other issue. Chocolate is always, always in my house and close by. If you know me well at all you know that it is practically a part of my identity. The only thing that stops me from eating it uncontrollably on a daily basis is the fact that I get migraines if I eat too much of it. It's actually probably a blessing. Those are not fun and I can't function when I get one, but it atleast sets some boundaries to my addiction. I have to admit that some chocolate desserts I have had are worth a migraine. For example, the warm chocolate cake at Red Lobster with the gooey hot fudge in the middle topped with vanilla icecream and hot fudge. Now that is worth a migraine. I always feel better about it when I get salmon and veggies before, which is very healthy. That is so ridiculous, isn't it? I'm trying to change my ways though. I think the only time I've gone without sugar for a few days was when I was in Honduras. The only reason I did was because I had none, not because I withheld my cravings. I lost a lot of weight on that trip. So today I awoke feeling strong and I decided I was NOT going to have sugar no matter what. It would be a real test because a valentine activity I did with my kindergarteners involved chocolate kisses. Of course I had extras left over after handing them out and they were laying there on my desk all day as I stared at them often longing to unwrap that foil and indulge myself in several. Lunch time came and I had not given in. Planning came and I had not given in. School was over and I had not given in. It was such a big deal that Lisa, who works next to me, even knew about it and it was a matter of discussion throughout the day. I was feeling very proud...then it happened. Another teacher, who is known for bringing the most delicious cookies in the world to school, walked into the room. He stood there holding a ziplock bag full of huge soft cookies with everything chocolatey imaginable in them. I sighed as I knew what was about to happen. He handed them to me and without hesitation I took one and ate it with no regrets whatsoever. Lisa got the rest of the cookies in the bag. She ate some and then wanted me to eat the last one. Being the good friend that I am, I did her a favor and ate the last one. Oh well...I guess tomorrow is another day.